Reviving Some Loving Memories of Parents

My congratulations to Andrew Scharlach for what apparently are his pioneering studies in what could be a psychological mine field.

My parents died in 1975 and 1978, respectively. To this day, I find myself thinking of them and missing them, even though I was already grown (mid-30s) and had a family of my own when they died. In fact, for many years on the date of my father’s death I would go to the cemetery and make what I called a “shareholder’s report” on my handling of the family affairs since his death.

It was this process that made me realize the importance of burial as opposed to cremation. The fact of burial gives the living a physical place to go to commune with the dead.

My feelings have been contained within me since their deaths. No one ever told me that what I was feeling was natural; that others were having the same feelings of emptiness or disconnection; that those feelings were OK to have and still lead one’s own full life.

EDWARD POLL

Los Angeles