‘People are a bunch of emotions stuck into a bag.’

Dan McQueen is eager to begin the 11th grade at Simi Valley High School. For McQueen, school has been a refuge at times and is always a place to excel. McQueen, 16, and his mother, Diane McQueen, live in Simi Valley.

A few years ago, we all lived in this house, and it was like bloodcurdling screams every day, and therapy and drugs. I was the one who just shut up, went into his room, sat in the corner, and didn’t get involved, didn’t fight back. I’m real gentle and peaceful so that’s why I ended up closing myself up totally, building this humongous brick fortress around myself.

I’m sitting there in class, in the seventh grade, I’m really majorly depressed and upset. “So you expect me to write a term paper? Forget it.”

Then my parents got a divorce and my sister moved out, and a bad situation was taken away. The underlying feelings are still there, but at least it wasn’t so tense anymore.

Even with all the problems at home, I still could hang on to school; it was something at least. I’m like some rebel out to change the world. At home I couldn’t say anything, but at school I could act out a little and I could still get attention there. That’s all I wanted. But I was the ghost at home for a few years.

Then I thought, in some weird mind trip, “I’ll just get straight A’s and they’ll all love me.” Of course, even back then, I knew that was stupid and it wouldn’t change a thing.

So I got straight A’s. That wasn’t hard. Like my English class was hard, it’s the hardest class in the whole entire school probably. That’s the class that I really just try to do my most excellent, best, perfect, superb. I did learn a lot of English but I learned my “Recipe for life,” that’s just a Phyllis quote.

At my school, my English teacher, Phyllis, is this legend. She is the greatest person, because she is so well-off with herself, and I try to model myself after her. She seems so independent and that’s what I want. I want to be independent, and I want to be strong.

She tells everybody that: “I don’t want to teach you English, I just want to teach you how to live happily, and then maybe along the way, you’ll pick up something that’ll be useful.” And it works exactly like that, if you let it. She really made me work. I just astound myself, I just can’t believe I wrote these papers, and that’s what I’m really proud of at school. I’m not quite as good as she is; I can grow to be as good.

This year was different because I really came into myself this year. I’ve never felt this good in all my life. It’s not like great things are happening here, it’s just because I am happy and I’m content with how I’m feeling.

I make everything go right and I don’t get so upset or like I don’t let little things crash my whole world around me. I don’t worry so much what people think. I’m more happy just being myself. And that sounds corny, but it’s true.

I’m just determined to be an English teacher; that’s what I’ve wanted for the last three years or so, I’ve wanted to teach. I want to go to the best colleges and learn how to teach correctly.

I know that I’ve been helped so much by teachers, they’ve helped me grow so much, and get over things that were holding me back. Another reason is just because I think it’s a really noble profession. I’m a crusader, and I want to go in there and and make everybody get paid as much money as they deserve.

People are just a bunch of emotions all stuck into a bag. You have to help people to relate, you have to help people to learn. I want children to learn how to get along with each other, ‘cause if you get along with people, life is so much easier. I know that I can really teach well, and I could really help a lot of people.

Going through my life would age anybody. You know, it’s kind of a rude way to learn, but through suffering, you can like learn more about yourself, you are more mature, you’re more aware, you’re more enlightened. That kind of sums it up a little. You’re enlightened with your own self. Emotionally enlightened is a good term, I like it.