Jim McMahon Speaks! (But It Will Cost You)

It seemed almost impossible to believe that this really was the same guy we’ve all been hearing about this past week.

Well, let it be told now that not only was Charger quarterback Jim McMahon civil Sunday, he was actually quite friendly.

Not once did he blow his nose on anyone. Not once did he utter an obscenity. He was polite and well-mannered. And never, ever, did he raise his voice.

And to think there have been some cynical types who dared to criticize Charger Coach Dan Henning for not being able to control his starting quarterback.

Humph. The guy was a reporter’s dream. He not only talked about football--including some spice by ripping his former team, the Bears--but was so personable, he shared the names of his favorite golf courses and restaurant.

Oh, sure, you say, McMahon only acted this way because the Chargers won and because he completed 14 of 29 passes for 264 yards and two touchdowns.

Well, to prove the cynics wrong, here’s a secret: McMahon was acting this way before the game.

You see, McMahon has decided to join the latest craze and became the first football player on his block to have his own 900 number.

Yep, for just $1.40 a minute, you, too, can have as long as a 10-minute conversation with McMahon, simply by picking up the phone and dialing: 1-900-234-MAC-9.

“We’ve been thinking about this for quite awhile,” said Steve Zucker, McMahon’s agent, from Chicago, “and we decided to start it this week.

“Jim really likes San Diego, and this is a way for Jim to talk to his fans. I know how hard it is for him right now. The press is saying he’s a bad guy. That his arm is shot. That he’s afraid to get hit.

“That’s a joke. Jim’s a class guy. With a guy like Jim McMahon, who doesn’t play to the print media, he’s going to take an extraordinary amount of grief if his team does not do well. That’s why it’s so important for a guy like Jim to win, because that’s the best say to shut people up.

“I really think Jim’s playing well, especially considering that line in front of him. I mean, look at it. You won’t hear it from him, but how can you get anything done with that line? . . .

“Jim proved today he can still throw. I talked to him for about 10 minutes after the game, and I’ll tell you, it’s as happy as I’ve heard him since he got there.”

It would have been interesting to know just what McMahon thought of his performance. Reporters waited and waited for him afterward. Finally, he appeared from the trainer’s room, stopped by his locker only long enough to grab a towel and went to the showers.

After another 15 minutes, McMahon walked from the shower, sneered at everyone crowded by his locker and yelled to Rick Smith, the Charger public relations director, “Get these guys out of here, Rick.”

Smith took his cue: “Guys, I think he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want to talk.”

It might not have been so bad if you had the $10 or so to dial his 900 number, but in the excitement, Jimbo forgot to update the tape.

“I’ll probably have to get on him about that,” Zucker said. “He’s going to be on Charger Report Monday night, I think, so you can catch him then.”

Or on his telephone report:

“This is Jim McMahon. It’s your dime, but I’m talking. I want to tell you about the Chargers and other teams in the league. You can also try to win a trip to the Super Bowl.”

A new voice gives you five directions to go in by pushing numbers on your touch-tone phone. Everything goes smoothly until you punch No. 3, the button that would bring you, oooh, the personal information about Jim. Then there were more choices.

They lead to all sorts of interesting information. For example, Jim told us that although he’s spanned the continent in his travels, his favorite restaurant happens to be the Prime Minister in Northbrook, Ill. “The food is fabulous, people make you feel like home, and good atmosphere.” Probably some pictures of Jim on the wall, too.

Oh sure, it might be cheaper to call your relatives back east, but your mother can’t provide a chance to win an all-expenses-paid trip to the Super Bowl by answering trivia questions correctly.