Breaking into the ‘90s. A New World in Time. Walls fall, debts rise, politicians thrive, environments suffer-a look over the shoulder and over the horizon. : What I Did in the ‘80s
I rented the movie
Heard the book on tape
I bet on baseball
I put on my cape
I buried John
Instead of Paul
I read the names
On the Vietnam Wall
I watched Carter lose
Saw Air Jordan fly
I got Felix Bloch
A subscription to Spy
I saw Billy Joel
Marry Christie Brinkley
I heard the shots
Fired by John Hinckley
I worked for Reagan
When I was invited
I only quit cause
I got indicted
I set-up Gary Hart
I wanted more power
I bought Donald Trump
Caroused with John Tower
I sold guns to Iran
Drugs to Noriega
I helped Fawn Hall shred
Papers on Ortega
I drank way too much
Went to Betty Ford
Guested on Oprah
I found the Lord
I jailed Jim Bakker
Made Tammy’s makeup run
Moonwalked with Michael
Got our noses redone
I was hooked on crack
And had to kick it
I Just Said No
Yeah, that’s the ticket
I ran aground
My Exxon tanker
I then became
A Wall Street banker
invested plenty
And who would have thunk?
Mike Milken’s bonds
Were nothing but junk
Put a compact disc
In my new Hyundai
I got slimed on Black
Friday and Monday
I blocked all those tanks
In Tian An Men Square
I became a liberal
I learned how to care
I had three children
With Steve Garvey
Isn’t that special?
Ask Dana Carvey
I went to prison
With David Crosby
Wrote jokes for Hope
Never missed Cosby
I yelled at Leona
Bought shoes with Imelda
I flashed and danced
Worked as a welda
I bought a pistol
For Bernie Goetz
Mismanaged Chernobyl
Managed the Mets
I broke Geraldo’s nose
Charmed Robin Leach
I did the wrong thing
In Howard Beach
I cut down on carbs
I joined Smoke-Enders
Did my Nautilus
In red suspenders
hung out at clubs
Became a fixture
I punched out Sean Penn
He got the picture
I fought Mike Tyson
Saved Jessica McClure
Gave money for AIDS
I found no cure
was in the groove
But out of the loop
Snuck a cigarette
With C. Everett Koop
I told E.T. that
He’d better phone home
Slept with Glenn Close
Who won’t leave me alone
I took some steroids
I think they’re great
My shirt size today
Is a hundred and eight
Struck out Kirk Gibson
Aced Boris Becker
Tackled Bo Jackson
Tripped Mary Decker
I marched in Korea
Never paid taxes
Stopped making phone calls Began sending faxes
I became a Dad
Like a good baby boomer
“Elvis is alive!”
(I started that rumor)
I wished apartheid
Would end in a hurry
I couldn’t be happy
I had to worry
I made peace with Gorby
I trickled down
I looked for the beef
It wasn’t around
flirted with Di
Dated Madonna
Wore 501 Jeans
Kept track of Tawana
I saw the leaders
Of Haiti topple
I combed my hair
Just like Ted Koppel
I watched James Watt
Put his foot in his mouth
I saw Ollie North
And his scheme head south
I found a thousand
Points of light
But Dan Quayle’s grades
Were nowhere in sight
I went to Live Aid
Bought a Life Cycle
Dukakis won
Olympia, not Michael
I needed NPR
Wanted my MTV
Got an IRA
And an Apple PC
I starred on Broadway
Got raves in “La Cage Aux”
Went to Beverly Hills
Got slapped by Zsa Zsa
I wrote about space
With Carl Sagan
I lent my dresses
To Nancy Reagan
I used Willie Horton
When shove came to push
I won the election
My campaign was Bush
read Rushdie’s Verses
I ate oat bran
Sold my company
To guys from Japan
I saw Challenger
Make its final run
Was in Candlestick
For the 7.1 I helped Dubcek
Come back a winner
I tore down the wall
“Ich bin ein Berliner” I supported Lech
Opposed Ceausescu
Into Panama I sent
Troops to the rescue
I sang with U-2
The crowd wanted more
I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for
OK, that’s a wrap
The ‘80s are history
What about the ‘90s?
For now, just a mystery
But before I go
One small reminder:
Be careful out there
Be gentler . . . and kinder.
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