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Breaking into the ‘90s. A New World in Time. Walls fall, debts rise, politicians thrive, environments suffer-a look over the shoulder and over the horizon. : What I Did in the ‘80s

<i> Tony Peyser is a Los Angeles writer. </i>

I rented the movie

Heard the book on tape

I bet on baseball

I put on my cape

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I buried John

Instead of Paul

I read the names

On the Vietnam Wall

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I watched Carter lose

Saw Air Jordan fly

I got Felix Bloch

A subscription to Spy

I saw Billy Joel

Marry Christie Brinkley

I heard the shots

Fired by John Hinckley

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I worked for Reagan

When I was invited

I only quit cause

I got indicted

I set-up Gary Hart

I wanted more power

I bought Donald Trump

Caroused with John Tower

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I sold guns to Iran

Drugs to Noriega

I helped Fawn Hall shred

Papers on Ortega

I drank way too much

Went to Betty Ford

Guested on Oprah

I found the Lord

I jailed Jim Bakker

Made Tammy’s makeup run

Moonwalked with Michael

Got our noses redone

I was hooked on crack

And had to kick it

I Just Said No

Yeah, that’s the ticket

I ran aground

My Exxon tanker

I then became

A Wall Street banker

invested plenty

And who would have thunk?

Mike Milken’s bonds

Were nothing but junk

Put a compact disc

In my new Hyundai

I got slimed on Black

Friday and Monday

I blocked all those tanks

In Tian An Men Square

I became a liberal

I learned how to care

I had three children

With Steve Garvey

Isn’t that special?

Ask Dana Carvey

I went to prison

With David Crosby

Wrote jokes for Hope

Never missed Cosby

I yelled at Leona

Bought shoes with Imelda

I flashed and danced

Worked as a welda

I bought a pistol

For Bernie Goetz

Mismanaged Chernobyl

Managed the Mets

I broke Geraldo’s nose

Charmed Robin Leach

I did the wrong thing

In Howard Beach

I cut down on carbs

I joined Smoke-Enders

Did my Nautilus

In red suspenders

hung out at clubs

Became a fixture

I punched out Sean Penn

He got the picture

I fought Mike Tyson

Saved Jessica McClure

Gave money for AIDS

I found no cure

was in the groove

But out of the loop

Snuck a cigarette

With C. Everett Koop

I told E.T. that

He’d better phone home

Slept with Glenn Close

Who won’t leave me alone

I took some steroids

I think they’re great

My shirt size today

Is a hundred and eight

Struck out Kirk Gibson

Aced Boris Becker

Tackled Bo Jackson

Tripped Mary Decker

I marched in Korea

Never paid taxes

Stopped making phone calls Began sending faxes

I became a Dad

Like a good baby boomer

“Elvis is alive!”

(I started that rumor)

I wished apartheid

Would end in a hurry

I couldn’t be happy

I had to worry

I made peace with Gorby

I trickled down

I looked for the beef

It wasn’t around

flirted with Di

Dated Madonna

Wore 501 Jeans

Kept track of Tawana

I saw the leaders

Of Haiti topple

I combed my hair

Just like Ted Koppel

I watched James Watt

Put his foot in his mouth

I saw Ollie North

And his scheme head south

I found a thousand

Points of light

But Dan Quayle’s grades

Were nowhere in sight

I went to Live Aid

Bought a Life Cycle

Dukakis won

Olympia, not Michael

I needed NPR

Wanted my MTV

Got an IRA

And an Apple PC

I starred on Broadway

Got raves in “La Cage Aux”

Went to Beverly Hills

Got slapped by Zsa Zsa

I wrote about space

With Carl Sagan

I lent my dresses

To Nancy Reagan

I used Willie Horton

When shove came to push

I won the election

My campaign was Bush

read Rushdie’s Verses

I ate oat bran

Sold my company

To guys from Japan

I saw Challenger

Make its final run

Was in Candlestick

For the 7.1 I helped Dubcek

Come back a winner

I tore down the wall

“Ich bin ein Berliner” I supported Lech

Opposed Ceausescu

Into Panama I sent

Troops to the rescue

I sang with U-2

The crowd wanted more

I still haven’t found

What I’m looking for

OK, that’s a wrap

The ‘80s are history

What about the ‘90s?

For now, just a mystery

But before I go

One small reminder:

Be careful out there

Be gentler . . . and kinder.


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