When Picking the Best, Bird Goes by the Book

A couple of years ago, Red Auerbach called Larry Bird the greatest basketball player who ever lived. Bob Knight says that Michael Jordan is the best ever. Pat Riley would vote for Magic Johnson.

Bird wouldn’t vote for any of them. He told the Boston Globe: “You can’t tell me that Bill Russell and Wilt Chamberlain weren’t the two greatest basketball players ever. How can you say that individually Chamberlain wasn’t the greatest ever?

“Every five years, they talk about somebody else. First it was me and Magic. Now Michael is thrown in there. And the next thing you know, Karl Malone is gonna be thrown in there with David Robinson.

“Hey, right now, in our time, we’re good basketball players. But if you want to say someone is better than Wilt Chamberlain, all you’ve got to do is get the record book out. The man scored 100 points in one game and led the league in assists.”

Trivia time: When Dancer’s Image was disqualified in the 1968 Kentucky Derby after failing to pass the drug test, who was declared the winner?

Take your choice: Said Houston outfielder Gerald Young, after Kareem Abdul-Jabbar refused to autograph a basketball for him at the Astrodome: “He stiffed me. He completely brushed me off. I had gone out and bought a new basketball and everything.”

Said Abdul-Jabbar, giving his version: “I was getting into the limousine, and some guy comes up to me screaming and yelling. I couldn’t tell what he wanted. It was nuts. I just wanted to get out of there.”

For what it’s worth: “The 50 most beautiful people in the world,” as selected by People magazine, included four people from the world of sports: Isiah Thomas (basketball), Ryne Sandberg (baseball), Danny Sullivan (auto racing) and Sinjin Smith (volleyball).

Funny guy: Cleveland Indian coach Rich Dauer, the club’s leading gagster, introduced Keith Hernandez as follows, at the annual Wahoo Club luncheon: “I didn’t know this man too well until we got to spring training, but I now consider him to be my best friend. I’m sure when you get to know him, you’ll consider him your best friend, too. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Sid Fernandez.”

It figures: Andy Wolfson of the Louisville Courier-Journal said he heard basketball analyst Doug Collins say on Turner Network, “Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.”

You believe it?: Said Mike Tyson, when asked about rumors that he is still carousing: “You can look at me. I’m in pretty good shape. I haven’t been fooling around. I even gave up my best hobby--women.”

Dept. of irony: Chicago Bear Coach Mike Ditka, who donated $100,000 to the University of Pittsburgh for scholarships, never graduated from Pitt.

Trivia answer: Forward Pass.

Quotebook: Atlanta Brave Manager Russ Nixon, on the condition of his bullpen: “If Warren Spahn walked in here, I’d put a uniform on him.”