More Japanese Women Reject Housewife Role : ‘Job With 3 Free Meals and Siesta’

A job with three free meals a day and time for a siesta. That’s how one old Japanese saying describes the woman’s role in marriage.

Many Japanese women these days are rejecting that arrangement and getting divorces, although they often find it hard to earn a living on their own in Japan’s heavily male-dominated society.

Women have initiated 70% of the 155,000 divorces filed annually over the last 10 years. There were none at all until the end of World War II, before which only men were entitled to dissolve a marriage.

“Japan’s divorce rate is still very low compared to Western nations,” said Yoriko Madoka, a divorce counselor in Tokyo. “But it doesn’t mean there are more happy families here. They just can’t afford it financially.”

Madoka, a former journalist, said she started her business 12 years ago after seeing the cheerfulness of divorced women in Scandinavia.

Divorce in Japan was traditionally seen as a disgrace for women, whose most important task in society was serving their family. Two divorced women who were interviewed for this article, for example, asked that their last names not be used.

There are also financial consequences for divorced women. Most divorced women here receive little or no alimony.

“It is amazing how people’s attitudes have changed over the last 10 years,” Madoka said. “But the gloomy image of divorce here will not disappear completely until women can get jobs to overcome financial difficulties after a divorce.”

“I really enjoy my life. It’s like going back to my youth,” said Sachiko, 42, who persuaded her husband to give her a divorce two years ago, one year after she left him and their two grown daughters in the western city of Osaka.

She said that, like some other Japanese women, she put up with a violent, alcoholic husband for more than 20 years until her children could fend for themselves.

After initially living with a friend and helping her run a coffee shop, Sachiko now works for a Tokyo company preparing tea and coffee for its employees. She has found a new partner and plans to marry soon.

However, not many women are as lucky as Sachiko.

Most companies will not employ women over 30, and statistics show that women who do find full-time work earn only 70% of their male counterparts’ pay. That figure drops to 50% when part-timers are included.

“This is why many women prefer to stay with their spouses even after all affection has gone,” Madoka said.

She recounts the case of one woman who had lived with her husband for decades but had hardly seen him in years. Her husband developed a relationship with another woman and only came home late at night to sleep.

The woman once cooked lunch for her husband when he was sick and later found the empty dishes with money in a corridor at home. “I don’t need your sympathy. I bought your service,” he shouted from behind the door.

Harumi, 38, has become a successful Tokyo business consultant after divorce left her with a 3-year-old son and just $12,500 10 years ago.

“I usually don’t feel discrimination,” Harumi said. “But people are very jealous because I don’t fit the image of a divorced woman struggling to survive. Even my colleagues tell dirty jokes about me when they’re drunk.”

While the annual number of Japanese divorces has fluctuated over the last decade between 150,000 and a peak of 179,150 in 1983, divorces among people over 50 have doubled in that time and now make up 6% of the total.

“It is common these days for women to demand a divorce from their retired husbands,” said Toshihiko Hara, a sociologist at Tokai University. “They can’t cope with their husbands sitting around at home the whole day.”

“That’s the tragic generation,” said Madoka. “They made a large sacrifice for Japan’s economic miracle (after World War II), with men at the firm and women at home. Now, men are retiring to find they have also sacrificed their family.”