SWAY The Night AWAY : * Dancing: Whether you prefer country, ballroom, reggae or disco, you’ll find a dance floor to suit.

Asking locals to recommend places to go in Ventura County to do some social dancing is like asking an 8-year-old boy to recommend a good place to do homework. You get a few giggles, a snicker, a couple of, I don’t knows, and one or two, What do you means. But if you wait long enough, you get the answer you’re looking for, and in this case, directions to get there.

Though it may not be immediately evident, there are some pretty nice places to do all kinds of dancing around town--and it doesn’t necessarily have to be square dancing. It just takes a little looking around, which is what Ventura County Life does best. True, we dance to our own drummer, but at least we dance. We two-stepped, waltzed and flat-out boogied our way across the county to get a sampling of the social dancing available.

When we weren’t chewing up the dance floor, we were checking out the establishments themselves. Would we take our mothers there? Would we be ashamed to let our mothers know we even knew about the place? Would we need a hosing down when we got home? We took a look at various other elements too--things that could make or break a night on the town. Like noise level. There’s no sense going out dancing if you’ll never hear again. So we’ve given each place listed here a noise rating, based on perhaps the most awful noise there is--garbage men clanging cans at 6 on a Monday morning. (One garbage man is relatively quiet, 10 garbage men are obnoxiously loud, and dangerous to one’s health).

Being the traditionalists we are, we naturally associated social dancing with some actual physical contact between partners. Wrong. Then again, we had never heard of John Travolta either. Some places have touch dancing, some don’t. As a service we studied closely, very closely, the physical contact going on at each stop we made. Finally, we looked at the potential for romance in the various clubs. Of course, we skipped some of the obvious places knowing all too well we’d be the hamburger among the T-bones, but every place has its potential for short- or long-term romance.

We took a look around and made some quick assessments. So now you’ll be ready to dance the night away, whether you prefer country, ballroom, reggae or disco. But don’t try to find us there. We’ll be soaking our feet--while trying to figure out why that woman slapped us when we asked her if she’d like to Lambada.

THE CHAPARRAL CLUB

281 West Main St., Ventura

Country-western all the way, from the four wagon wheels over the bar, to the three sets of steer horns bolted to the wall. You can hear the whooping and hollering the moment you pull into the dirt parking lot.

Each Thursday, Friday and Saturday there’s a live band playing songs like “All My Ex’s Live in Texas,” “Lookin for Love,” and “Tulsa Time.” And there’s a great mix of people, most of whom are in their 30s, dancing to the music. There are the polished dancers and the, well, people who might benefit from a lesson or two.

“It’s kind of an unwritten law that the low-steppers (the good ones) dance around the outside of the dance floor in a square,” said waitress Deedee Romero, “and the others (the not-so-good ones) stay on the inside and just do that swing thing. They slow dance, fast dance, I don’t know what they call it.”

The good ones, on the other hand, do know their favorite dances by name. Along with various line dances (one of which is called the Tush-Push for obvious reasons) there is the two-step and the Cotton-Eyed Joe.

“We mostly do the Texas two-step. It’s the same as the fox-trot or swing,” said John Godds, a former dance instructor, who comes to the club regularly with his wife, Clara, and a group of other trained dancers. “Country-western covers all kinds of music and all tempos of music. The style is very unstructured.”

And why does Clara like country-western dancing?

“You can be vulgar and dirty and no one says anything,” she said.

Decibel level: 6 garbage men. Touch analysis: Hands on shoulders and hands on hips (one’s own or those belonging to someone else. Chance of romance: With a good drawl and a nice pair of boots, you’d have a 50-50 chance of lassoing someone.

RUBE’S VALLEY HOUSE OF BAR-B-QUE

1115 E. Los Angeles Ave., Simi Valley

Imagine a 40ish husband and wife doing the swing, while over your shoulder an unshaven dude in a Levi vest gives a gruff rendition of “Poison Ivy?”

Rube’s is a family-oriented steakhouse with a dance floor. Kids and bikers welcome. The autographed photo of Los Angeles Dodger Manager Tommy Lasorda across from the entrance is there to rope in diners.

There is live music Thursday through Sunday beginning about 9 p.m., with music mostly from the ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s.

“We start out with nice, soft dinner music. We don’t want to blow any steaks off the plates,” said manager Bruce Donabedian, whose parents own the 12-year-old place. “The first set is ballad music. The dancing is slow and people are rubbing tummies. Around 10 or 10:30 we start to get the walk-ins who want to boogie the night away.”

Donabedian brings in bands from Los Angeles, like the four-piece group “Notorious,” who play danceable oldies like “Boni Maroni” and “Georgia.”

Decibel level: 5 garbage men. Touch analysis: As the man said, tummy on tummy for the slow dances. It’s hand to hand or freestyle for the faster ones.

Chance of romance: The single folks hang out at the bar. It helps if you have a better opening line than this one used by the Poison Ivy guy: You know, I find myself becoming very attracted to you, even though I know we don’t have a damn thing in common.

OXNARD COMMUNITY CENTER

(Ventura Room)

800 Hobson Way, Oxnard

Wanted: Men!!! Tall men, short men, any men. Must be at least 50 years old. Must have staying power on the dance floor every Thursday night at the Oxnard 50-plus Club’s weekly ballroom get-together.

Each week more than 100 people show up, the majority dressed semi-formally, the women in glittery dresses and the men in coats and ties. The ambience is similar to that of a senior prom, with the unattached lining the walls in nervous anticipation. The bad part is there aren’t enough men to go around. Not by a long shot, say the frustrated women.

“Men die younger,” said 73-year-old Charlie Foxworth, who wears a white shirt, a red bow tie, a black coat, black pants, black shoes and black hair (which he swears is natural). “Women love men to death. I’m trying to get back at them. I’ve been married five times.”

Foxworth’s latest “steady,” 71-year-old Louise Morlin, explained the shortage differently. “They all die young because they were wild when they were younger.”

The dance hall, located right across from the bingo hall, is large, really large. One expects the Lakers to come dribbling through the door. But the dancers cover the entire length of it, all dancing counter-clockwise and organized. There are 96 lights on the ceiling, though most are off during the dance. There are also about 130 folding chairs.

At the far end of the hall, there’s an elevated stage for the three-piece band led by Johnny Olins. Olins also plays for the weekly Ventura, Santa Barbara and Reseda 50-plus dances. On an average Thursday in Oxnard you might catch him crooning “Kansas City” or “Button Up Your Overcoat.”

What you will definitely find are a lot of people who love the dancing and the camaraderie.

“I have to find someone younger than me,” said Foxworth. “They can’t stay up with me. I dance every dance.”

Decibel level: 2 garbage men. Touch analysis: Man’s left hand against woman’s right hand. Man’s right hand touching woman’s back. All very proper.

Chance of romance: Great, if you’re In the Mood.

ERIC ERICSSON’S

1140 Seaward Ave., Ventura

Don’t let the name of this club or the wooden Viking in the courtyard fool you. There’s some serious reggae music and dancing going on inside every Sunday night.

“People who are into the dancing will dance all night long,” said bouncer Ken O’Neill. “They’ll work up a killer sweat.”

And perspiration is just what management likes to see dripping onto the triangular, stone dance floor. “The kinds of bands we bring in are upbeat and contemporary, more than slow, rootsy and repetitive. Upbeat keeps them dancing,” said promoter Michael Levine. “The two things the people want are reggae and dance.”

The people Levine is talking about are difficult to categorize.

“The crowd is on a tangent with the Grateful Dead. Some don’t even want to drink. They’ll drink water and just dance,” said O’Neill. “We get a younger crowd mostly, but we get both sides of the coin. We get the salt-and-pepper crowd too. A lot of times there are girls in gypsy apparel--bracelets, beads, bangles, sandals--kind of an earthy group.”

But there’s also a fair share of shorts, T-shirts, dresses, jeans, slacks and tie-dyed anything.

Dick and Dodie Crank, an Oxnard couple in their 50s, have been coming to Ericsson’s on Sunday nights for the past five years.

“Even if you don’t know how to dance you can move to reggae music,” said Dodie, dressed in an understated khaki blouse and black skirt. “People come from all over following reggae.”

“It’s peaceful, inspirational,” said Dick, dressed in a black tie-dyed shirt, black pants and a thin leather choker. “It’s a natural beat to dance to. For me this is like going to church.”

Decibel rating: 8 garbage men. Touch analysis: Not much touching one another, but a lot of getting in touch with oneself.

Chance of romance: Well, there was definitely some flirting going on.

ALAMO RESTAURANT

1312 Del Norte Road, Camarillo

It’s mostly Top 40 and rap dance music here, though Wednesday nights are dubbed country-western and on Saturdays you get alternative music from groups like Oingo Boingo, if anyone is interested.

“Basically it’s stuff with a real hard beat,” said DJ Jeff Rotter. “They want to feel the beat.” Which means you’re likely to hear a lot of stuff by Paula Abdul and some Tone Loc mixed in with some of the old favorites like “Wild Thing.”

The dance floor and surrounding area could pass for a miniature Arthur Murray studio if it weren’t for the Lighted Spuds McKenzie off in the distance and an enormous collection of beer signs hanging about the place. There’s the hardwood floor, the rotating mirrored ball on the ceiling, and three full-length mirrors on the wall. The small fan just off the dance floor would indicate that it can get warm out there.

About 10 couples could dance fairly comfortably. But, said disc jockey Jeff Rotter, “You should see this place on a Friday night. It’s a madhouse. You can’t even walk. They squish about 30 couples out there. And they dance out on the patio too.”

There’s dance music Tuesday through Saturday and on the average weekday the place attracts mostly regulars (men and women in their 20s, and softball players relaxing after the game).

Decibel level: 7 garbage men. Touch analysis: There is probably more physical contact at the softball game. Here, the dancers take the basic freestyle approach.

Chance of romance: We’re talking mostly short-term relationships here. There are some nice out-of-the-way booths that might allow for some conversation.

JUDGE ROY BEAN’S

2780 Tapo Canyon Road, Simi Valley

It’s a rare club these days in which a band can play the song “Mony, Mony” and most of the people there will think of Tommy James and the Shondells not Billy Idol.

But’s that’s the case at Bean’s.

The clientele is predominantly in their mid-30s and they are elbow to elbow on the dance floor for every song.

“That’s the kind of crowd we try to attract,” said bartender Cindy Weening. “We’re not a hang-out.”

There’s a new band every Friday and Saturday, all doing music from the ‘50s and ‘60s, with soloists or duos playing the rest of the week. Bands play songs like “Under the Boardwalk,” “Sweet Home Alabama,” “Lucille” and various Elvis tunes.

Decibel level: 8 garbage men. Touch analysis: Like the Alamo, there’s more touching off the floor, than on.

Chance of romance: Where there’s Elvis, there’s love.