To Attract Ideal Mate Use Mental Magnetism

Evan Cummings is a regular contributor to Orange County Life.

Can you attract the love of your life by calling on the power of your mind? Sioux Harlan believes that you can. The Irvine-based therapist found a husband by using her own brand of positive thinking called creative visualization.

“I learned that the mind is a powerful magnet, and when I got serious about marriage, I changed my mind, and changing my mind transformed my life,” says Harlan, who has a master’s degree in counseling and a doctorate of education in psychology.

Recent mind research performed at Stanford University proved that “every time we think a thought, an electrical current goes through our brain causing a chemical reaction in our bodies,” according to Harlan. “Each time an electrical force field is created there is simultaneously created a magnetic force field, which explains why we bring about what we think about.”

She contends that “what we think has a magnetic force that brings us to what we are holding in the image . . . or whom.”


She offers a four-week seminar called “A Month of Mondays” in which she shows anyone who is serious about marriage how to construct “a proclamation, an announcement you give to your mind.”

First, she says, make a list of desired character traits divided into three categories--physical, mental and spiritual. “The physical traits have a sub-category of physical action. For example: ‘Feminine; 5 feet, 6 inches to 5 feet, 9 inches; auburn hair; vivid green eyes; athletic; likes volleyball and camping.”

Harlan encourages people to be as specific as possible. The categories are a tool that trigger thinking of specifics. “There is no right or wrong to this list, except that you should avoid using negative phrases such as nonsmoker .” She suggests instead that you ask for someone who prefers breathing clean air into his or her lungs.

Your proclamation, she explains, serves as a conduit through which the mind is opened to select the traits you want in another person. Don’t worry if your list seems too rigid or even silly, she says. “You can refine your list, adding and subtracting as you grow and learn more about who you are and what you want.”

Equally important is deciding what is negotiable and what is not. “Affectionate (physical), monogamous (spiritual) or career woman (mental) are probably not negotiable, but big blue eyes and loves hockey may be,” she adds.

Once you have constructed your shopping list, she recommends putting it away.

“It isn’t necessary to look at the list daily. Your subconscious mind knows what is on your list,” she explains. “Your conscious mind is the chooser, it makes up the list. Your subconscious mind is the doer. It makes it happen.”

Next is the affirmation phase. “Throughout the course of your day--upon awakening, before going to bed, while exercising--whenever your body is occupied but your mind is not, simply repeat your intention: ‘I, (your name), am harmoniously married to my perfect mate.”

If you have someone special in mind should you incorporate their name into the affirmation exercise? Harlan says no.

“Be careful what you wish for. You may be hanging onto someone who is wrong for you. Your request should be for the right person; if that person is meant to come to you, they will.”

A beneficial effect to making the list, Harlan says, is that you can compare desired traits to those of a person you may already be dating or on whom you have set your sights; that gives you a chance to see how he or she measures up.

“Never close your mind to someone who may be out there whom you never considered before.”

To illustrate, Harlan recalls her own love story. “As it turned out, I had been introduced to my husband, Terry, several years before.”

The two were linked professionally, which enabled them to see each other occasionally at various business functions throughout Orange County. It was through that professional network that Terry became more involved in her life. “By that time I had constructed my list and was affirming it daily.”

An occasion arose that required a co-host for a large party she was planning. She asked him and he accepted. On the night of the party he arrived early (punctuality was on her list) and he helped in the kitchen (one of her requests was for someone who “loves cooking together”). He was “imaginative and a great host.”

Harlan realized that the man she had wished for was right there, and his recent breakup of a long-term relationship made him available. It was a match made . . . first in her mind.

The couple will celebrate their fourth wedding anniversary in May.