Psychological Warfare Warms Up as Zonies Try to Beat the Heat

The Zonie Army has begun its summer offensive. And this time, the invaders have brought their war correspondents.

The Arizona Republic, the state’s largest newspaper, is in the throes of a nonstop, two-week binge of stories called, no joke, “The Zonie Report from San Diego.”

The prose oscillates between deathless and deadly. My favorite was headlined “Sand is Home to Dudes, Dudettes.”

“Over here is the sun goddess, who reaches down through a cloudless sky and lightly applies her fingertips to my exposed skin, from my hairline to my toenails. And over here is the goddess of the Pacific, who sends a cool breeze to knead the flesh that her sister caresses.”

Such is the song that launched a million motor homes westward-ho on Interstate 8.

An estimated 12% of San Diego summer tourists are from Arizona, the largest out-of-state battalion. And we all know they drop golden eggs that keep our economy fat and happy.

But who are these people in battered Pontiacs with white-on-maroon plates?

Dennis Love, one of three Arizona Republic reporters assigned to the San Diego beat, explained to me that Zonies are just normal folk driven half mad by their home state’s summer heat.

“You’ve heard of an Alabama redneck?” asked Love, who hails from Alabama. “In Phoenix, the same guy is called an Arizona skeeter, and he can’t wait to visit San Diego, with the wife and kids.”

(It’s not true, though, that much of East County was populated by Zonies whose Winnebagos broke down on the way to Mission Beach.)

This year Phoenix is urging Zonies to stay put, with ads saying “Stay At Home. Air-Conditioning Is Fun.”

The San Diego Convention & Visitors Bureau retaliated with a radio barrage reminding Phoenix residents of the 115-degree temperatures that are common in the summer.

Phoenix is so hot, “the patio furniture is standing on one leg.” Come to San Diego where you can have fun in the sun “without your ears catching fire.”

Psychological warfare can be so brutal.

Fanning Flames of Rivalry

Hey, what about us? Or: Firefighter, save my hype.

On Monday, Los Angeles Mayor Tom Bradley proudly announced the promotion of a female firefighter, Roxanne Bercik. The L.A. Fire Department proclaimed her the first female fire captain in a “major metropolitan area.”

That depends. Both Detroit and San Diego have female captains.

“When you add the qualifier of 2 million residents or more, which could be the definition of a large metropolitan area,” explained L.A. Battalion Chief Lon Pursell, “she (Bercik) is the first.”

San Diego has two female captains and a female battalion chief. The battalion chief is on the short list for possible promotion to deputy chief.

For all its self-congratulation, L.A. has only 35 women out of 2,700 fire personnel. In San Diego, it’s 44 out of 843.

San Diego was also far more civilized in breaking with the all-male tradition.

When women first joined the L.A. department, one was forced to shave her pubic hair in a hazing incident. In San Diego, all that happened was that a male firefighter pranced around nude for the benefit of his new female co-workers.

See what I mean: San Diego never gets credit for anything.

Council Promises, Take 2

That was then, this is now.

April 2 . San Diego Councilman Bob Filner writes to a constituent: “I completely agree with you--and will do everything possible to prevent these cuts (in the Motion Picture and Television Bureau).”

June 6. Councilman Linda Bernhardt writes to a constituent: “I therefore will do all I can during budget deliberations to ensure that the Motion Picture and Television Bureau continues to receive support from the city.”

June 14 . Filner and Bernhardt vote with John Hartley, Wes Pratt and Abbe Wolfsheimer to eliminate all city funding ($320,000) for the Motion Picture and Television Bureau.

The vote was taken without explanation.