It’s Not Easy Getting Boy to Open Up

Dear Beth: This friend of mine has difficulty expressing his feelings out loud, so he always writes love notes. Is it normal for a guy not to share what he’s thinking with a girl? It’s a real heart pain since this guy is the cat’s meow. How can I get him to share his feelings?

Can’t Make Him Talk

Dear Can’t Make Him Talk: It’s often not easy for people to tell others what they really think, but it seems that it is particularly hard for boys. Boys are reared not to show pain. Parents say things like “Big boys don’t cry!” and boys learn that it’s considered wimpy to show too much concern for others. Many boys grow up inhibiting all kinds of feelings to be on the safe side.

Men nowadays are being urged to let their feelings out, but it will take time to change assumptions about what’s masculine and what’s not.

Tell him how much you like him, and that it’s hard for two people to be really close if they can’t share thoughts and feelings. Say you know some people are naturally reticent but that they usually find it feels good to open up to real close friends.

Perhaps you can help him work up the nerve to say a few things by asking him leading questions, such as “Do you feel good the way I do when I hear your voice on the phone or see you coming toward me?”

Don’t push too hard, though, or you may embarrass him and make him want to pull away.