Moving On--but Not Giving Up
All things--good, bad or otherwise--must come to an end. And so it is with Family Life, which makes its final appearance today.
Going on to other things, however, does not mean we’re abandoning the stands or the issues articulated in this space over the months.
* For example, I still am convinced--regardless of the letters and calls from readers to the contrary--that spanking is itself a form of child abuse, that the only time parents should lay their hands on their kids is to pat them on the back or give them hugs.
Like the death penalty, physical punishment is irreversible. If I discover that my judgment was wrong or that I was too harsh, I can rescind a week’s restriction on surfing, for example, but how do you rescind a smack in the mouth?
Or, I can increase my form of punishment to fit the crime. How else but by hitting the child harder or longer--or, worse, using a strap or a stick--can a spanker increase punishment?
Besides, all that spanking a child does--other than inflict pain--is to teach him or her that Rambo has the correct approach to life’s problems.
* Nor will I back off my belief that 90% of the creaking and groaning in our education system is the direct result of parental disinterest--in both their kids and the schools.
I am astonished by the pure chutzpah of parents--especially those who have essentially turned over to the schools the raising of their kids--blaming the schools for their kids’ lack of knowledge or lack of manners. These are generally the same parents who have never taken the time to meet the teacher or visit the school.
And they routinely vote against school bonds and oppose teacher pay increases because their kids haven’t become super-achievers.
* Literacy--or the lack of it--has been another pet issue in this corner over the past many months. And, again, it’s the parents who can take the credit if their can kids read and the blame if they can’t.
Example is still the best teacher, and one can’t be surprised that the kids of Orange County do poorly in reading when 40% of their parents tell pollsters they don’t even bother to read a newspaper.
Where is a child to learn of the joy and the power of the printed word if not introduced to books in the home?
* And nothing has changed since we began harping on the misdirection of the much-vaunted war on drugs. Most of the money still goes to the police, the courts and the prisons, and very little to prevention and treatment.
As a result, an addict--no matter how desperate for treatment--must wait for at least six months to get any help from any public agency in Orange County, longer in other areas of the country. Private treatment centers, meanwhile, are going broke because insurance companies have drastically curtailed coverage for rehabilitation and the county agencies are forbidden by law from spending money at for-profit hospitals.
So, while we all decry the drug rate and sport bumper stickers with the message, “I’m for a Drug-Free Orange County,” we make it impossible for users to get any help.
* We also refuse to recognize the seriousness of the alcohol problem with children. In the next two years, more American kids will die on the highways because of booze--either as drivers or as passengers--than died in the entire 10-year Vietnam War.
Ten times as many people will die from alcohol-related problems than from narcotics; more careers ruined, more families destroyed, more kids orphaned, yet we will spend millions on silly “Just Say No” campaigns before we’ll spend a dime on preventing alcohol abuse.
It might have something to do with the fact that while most parents don’t have cocaine around the house, they could fill the swimming pool with the booze in the kitchen cabinet.
* And why don’t we hold accountable those public officials who were elected on “pro-family” platforms? Look around the cutting room floors of Sacramento and Washington and you will find nothing but discarded issues important to promoting family life.
Child abuse prevention programs, mental health programs, substance abuse treatment centers and other social services get the ax. Why? Are they really less important than traffic enforcement and other heady issues the governor and Legislature face?
We should ask them.
* We also can’t take our leave without thanking those who have been so helpful to this column, especially in the professional areas--such people as psychiatrist Ed Kaufmann at UC Irvine, family therapists Rex King of Dana Point and Zena Polly of Irvine, substance abuse expert Jack Platt at Capistrano by the Sea Hospital, and many others.
All of them, incidentally, agree that you could probably put them out of business by using some common sense, some tolerance, some patience, some kindness, some hugs, and lots of love.
