Universal Tours has been such a success...

Universal Tours has been such a success that it was inevitable there would be imitators.

So, get ready for:

RTD Tours!

“There’s a perception that we’re a fortress,” said RTD President Nick Patsaouras. “We want to improve communication with the public.”

When it opens--no date for the gala event has been set--visitors will be able to experience up close such attractions as maintenance yards and computer centers.

Unlike Universal Tours, RTD Tours won’t charge double-digit prices for admission (it’ll be free). It’s unclear whether the transit attraction will offer an equivalent of Universal’s “Earthquake” ride.

The potholes on Vermont Avenue, perhaps?

A “body guard/personal asst.,” advertising his services in the Hollywood Reporter, says he can call forth a “full range of attitudes from gentle giant to intimidating dude.” His qualifications: “Trained by Prince’s longtime bodyguard.”

Talk about daring. Christopher Nyerge, editor of Mensa’s local publication, Lament, won a national prize from the high-IQ society for his innovative idea of publishing articles by such non-Mensans as Mayor Tom Bradley, LAPD Chief Daryl F. Gates and KABC weather jokester George Fischbeck. A Mensa news release admits that “some members of the organization complained about this.”

You know it’s Beverly Hills when . . .

You phone the Police Department, you’re put on hold, and . . . classical music plays.

Not far from the world’s largest immobile plane, the world’s largest bas relief edible sculpture was laid out at the Long Beach Convention Center on Friday. The thousands of cans of food, in the shape of a giant cornucopia, will be given to the poor.

The first annual “Dog Happening” will be held at Venice Beach today, Sunday and Monday, offering such mutt categories as “smartest,” “loudest,” “funniest,” and one that is too often overlooked at those snooty dog-shows: “longest tail.”

Just when you thought you could escape the world’s troubles by watching sitcoms, CBS starts running promos for a fall schedule entry starring Whoopi Goldberg--”Bagdad Cafe.”

Unlike Hollywood’s version, Bagdad, Calif., has no cafe, by the way. The ghost town, located 40 miles from the Twentynine Palms Desert Marine Base, hasn’t even had any occupants since 1972, according to Buster Burris, a cafe owner in nearby Amboy.

Burris, 81, told a UPI reporter that when he moved to the area from Texas in 1937, Bagdad boasted a Harvey House restaurant.

He added: “There was also a whorehouse, a store and a garage.”

Memories.

miscelLAny:

The U.S. Postal Service has a radio transmitter located in the San Gabriel Mountains above Altadena. It’s near Mt. Disappointment.