When Harry Met Irving . . . the Roommate Alternative

“The nights bothered me. Not because I was afraid but because I felt depressed and lonely. I looked around and no one was there,” said Irving Tarnol, a sprightly 87-year-old. “After I lost my wife of 54 years, what I missed the most was companionship,” he continued.

Tarnol thinks he found the best solution when Harry Roberts, 72, moved in a few months ago to share his two-bedroom condo in Van Nuys. The two were matched through Alternative Living for the Aging, a nonprofit agency that assists the elderly with their housing needs.

“Harry and I are worlds apart,” Tarnol said, “but I’m lucky to have him for a roommate. He’s a nice, quiet, gentle man. I had a couple of roommates before him but they didn’t work out. I even tried a lady roommate but she wanted to reform me. I’m too independent.”

Both agree that the things that set them apart, may well add up to a plus in compatibility.

“Irving is outgoing and takes an interest in more things than I do. He plays cards with friends. I don’t dig that. We do our own thing,” Roberts said.

“I like to read. I’m more introverted and shy. I take things as they come but I’m no pussycat. I fight back when necessary,” said the former musician.

Tarnol, who just had his driver’s license renewed for another four years, describes himself as a bit short-tempered and impatient. “Harry takes things as they come. I like to do things too quickly. Sometimes I forget I’m 87 years. At 84, I was still working four hours a day for my grandson. But, since I now have a pacemaker, I’m learning to slow down.”

Irving is organized and methodical even when he cooks, Roberts said.

“No frozen meals for me. I cook a full meal in about 30 minutes because I prepare everything ahead of time.

“And I’ll eat anything Irving fixes,” said an appreciative Roberts. “Irving’s a pretty good cook.”

Twenty years ago, the roommates were at the peak of their respective professions.

Tarnol--who emigrated from his native Russia in 1920, raised six children and now has 18 grandchildren and a second great-grandchild on the way--was running his own successful wholesale laundry and dry cleaning business in the ‘70s.

“I had between 80 and 100 employees. I was always surrounded by activity, family doings and with my wife’s involvement with charitable organizations,” he said.

Roberts, a featured orchestra musician for most of his life--with a talent for a variety of reed instruments--spent most of the 1970s aboard luxury ocean liners entertaining passengers on Mediterranean and Middle-East cruises. Previously, he had been a staff musician for radio stations in his native Philadelphia.

Roberts, who has two children and a grandchild, eventually settled in California, where his wife died in 1983.

“I used to travel back East each year on my vacation, and usually had a gig or two booked there to cover my expenses. One day my brother, who was a booking agent, said: ‘Sorry, Harry, I can’t get you any work. You’re good but you look too old.’ Instead of getting angry at him. I laughed. He was right. I sold my instruments.”

On their 5Oth wedding anniversary, Irving and Lillian Tarnol received a handsome gift from their six children.

“They all got together and gave us this condo. After my wife died, I told my children I was too independent to live with any of them. I’d made up my mind that as long as I could take care of myself, that’s how I wanted to live--in my own home,” he said.

Roberts and Tarnol have a simple living arrangement. Each has his own bedroom and bath, at opposite ends of the living and dining areas, with light buttons installed so that either one may alert the other in an emergency. Each has his own TV set, although they sometimes watch a program together in the living room.

Both manage well on their monthly Social Security check. Roberts, who says he could not possibly afford an apartment on his own, pays $300 for his share of housing; Tarnol pays for the utilities and both share the cost of the food and a cleaning woman every two weeks.

Tarnol is an amiable host who keeps a full bar for friends who may drop by for a drink. “And I never have to mark the bottles, ‘cause Harry doesn’t drink.

“All either one of us really needs is having another human being around,” Tarnol said. “Someone who will laugh if you think of something funny to say or who will occasionally share their feelings.”

Roberts agreed. “Yes, it does chase away the loneliness.”