Grinch: Who could arrest and handcuff Santa...

Grinch: Who could arrest and handcuff Santa Claus while he’s on his way to deliver Christmas trees to the needy? Pembroke, N.H., police chief Lucien Bouffard says nobody breaks the law in his town and gets away with it. So Claus, known without his red suit and white beard as Paul Dubois, was arrested Dec. 20 because the 1,610 lights that decorated his tree-filled truck were a traffic hazard, the chief said. “That truck looked beautiful. But he’s not coming down Route 3 at 35-40 miles an hour with a ball of lights--this guy could cause an accident.” Good thing Santa wasn’t in a sleigh.

The B List: NASA, Washington Mayor Marion Barry and Andrew Dice Clay have something in common, says Kevin Zaborney. They’re among the top whiners of 1990. Zaborney, a 26-year-old counselor from Flint, Mich., compiles the list for “National Whiners Day,” Wednesday. The National Aeronautics and Space Administration whined about glitches in its Hubble telescope. Barry fumed about “getting caught on camera using drugs.” Clay carped because “other comedians won’t perform on stage with him due to his inappropriate jokes.”

The C List: John Tower believes his former Senate colleagues did him wrong when they rejected his nomination as defense secretary. Now, he’s getting even. J. James Exon (D-Neb.) is a “genuine boozer,” Tower writes in his new book, “Consequences.” Ernest Hollings (D-S.C.) is the “Senate bully.” Sam Nunn (D-Ga.) was “blinded by his own ambition.” Calls to the lawmakers drew no responses.

Sweet Memories: J. Leonard Clark, the last of six brothers who once owned the company that makes Clark candy bars, will not sugar over his feelings about the company going up for sale. The announcement by Leaf Inc., which now owns the candy plant, made Clark, 79, “sick to my stomach,” he said in Pittsburgh, the candy company’s hometown. Leaf plans to sell because sales have been stale.