It is one of life’s little ironies...

It is one of life’s little ironies that a Hollywood bondage and sexual encounter parlor complains that it has been hurt by some picketers.

James D. Hillier, owner of the Chateau club, is suing the Guardian Angels, who demonstrated last month against the Sunset Boulevard emporium. The Angels said the establishment is a center of prostitution and drug use.

“We’ve been around here for 14 years with no problems and no troubles,” Hillier countered proudly.

The Chateau, however, has had its problems with city officials. During a 1989 visit, a city zoning analyst reported in precise technical language that he observed such eye-opening sights as “wooden body racks where an individual can be hanged into the air with support only from the shoulders and wrists, as well as full body racks, where an individual’s body is placed and wheeled around in a contorted fashion.” (What, no thumbscrews?)

The analyst ruled that the Chateau should be shut down for several reasons, including its proximity to a residential neighborhood. That ruling is being appealed.

The Chateau’s lawyers are no doubt confident they won’t be whipped in court.

While we’re getting kinky, we might as well tell you that KFI radio personality Joe Crummey, responsible animal owner that he is, wants to have his 7-month-old cat Rudy neutered. But, out of regard for the young male, he wants to fix Rudy up with a blind date for one night of tomfoolery (any offspring that might result would be auctioned for charity on KFI).

Crummey has received offers (and photos) from as far away as Washington. The most unusual proposal, so far, comes from David Curtis of Riverside, who sent photos of 7-month-old sisters Maggie and Peanut.

Said Curtis: “I’m proposing a menage a trois. “

Dept. of Silver Linings: Orange prices are soaring because of the freeze, but thank goodness we received word from the California Kiwifruit Commission that “kiwi fruit is available in plentiful supplies.”

The bumper sticker you’ll never see in Dubuque:

A long-haired young man with a 3-day-old beard was spotted whizzing down the Santa Monica Freeway in a AMC Jeep that bore the message:

“I Brake for Auditions.”

You say your New Year’s resolution is to stop smoking, and you’re starting to weaken? If you need a role model, we recommend Manny (of Manny, Moe and Jack), who’s still making good on his vow of a few months ago to stay off stogies.

L .A., of course, was not overlooked in Parade Magazine’s annual roundup of “The Best and Worst of Everything.”

Local phenomena that were saluted included:

* Glendale-based Baskin-Robbins’ idea of a Gorbachocolate flavor. (Now dubbed the Rocky Road.)

* A published collection of UCLA slang words, such as chud (“disgusting”).

* The 9,000 people cited for car-pool lane violations on L.A. freeways, including a woman driver whose companion was a department store mannequin in sunglasses and clothes.

* And the unveiling of the tombstone of Mel Blanc, the late voice of Porky Pig. The tombstone says: “That’s all folks.”

miscelLAny:

There are about 50 certified square-dance callers in Los Angeles County, according to the group’s international association. Certification requires at least one call a week for the previous three years.