Happy Feat : Dancers Lead Partners Back to ‘30s, ‘40s

“Are you going to go?” asked one woman in the lobby at Regents Point, an upscale retirement home.

“For a little bit,” said the other woman. “It sounds weird to me.”

They walked into the assembly hall, where clumps of balloons decorated the portable dance floor and swing music poured from the ceiling speakers, then sat to the rear and waited.

Soon a bus rolled up in the parking lot and deposited 10 clean-cut men in their 30s and 40s--the Leading Men, a group of itinerant ballroom dancers who were going to demonstrate some steps, then ask the ladies to dance.

“We sent them a letter and I came and talked to the residents’ association and explained the program,” said Gloria Paternostro, creator of the Leading Men. “But they still don’t know what to expect of us.”

On the other hand, Paternostro knew what to expect of them. There would be many more women than men--women who grew up dancing to Tommy Dorsey and Glenn Miller but hadn’t danced since before their husbands died. And many would be missing it.

“This is their era--the ballroom dance era, the big band era. We re -create it, but they created it,” Paternostro said.

Paternostro, a part-time dance instructor, had been working at the Braille Institute in Los Angeles (“I teach the blind to lead the blind”) and saw what a dance or two did to boost morale.

She said she realized the plight of the women in retirement homes when she attended a piano concert at one last year. “The music had a dance beat, and I just got the feeling, looking in their faces, that they would dance if they got the chance. Then I realized the problem: It’s usually 80% women at these homes. Men were the missing element.”

Soon Paternostro, a dance instructor and avid ballroom dancer, had gathered men she knew through the Pasadena Ballroom Dance Assn. Last July, she launched a series of dances within the retirement-home chain where she works as director of corporate communications.

Two weeks ago, the Leading Men had made their way to Regents Point. “We want you to do what you want to do,” Paternostro told the audience of about 75. “But don’t be offended if my gentlemen ask you to dance again and again and again and maybe even again.”

Don’t think you’ve forgotten how, she said. “These gentlemen can refresh your memory in 30 seconds flat.” And don’t think you’re too handicapped. One of the Leading Men is totally blind but can do a wicked tango, she said. “He’s usually here to demonstrate, but he was injured in his karate class.”

So after the demonstrations, and after a worn Tommy Dorsey recording of “Dolores” started, and after the men went into the audience seeking partners, first seven, then 10, then a dozen couples appeared, gliding along the small dance floor. By the third dance, hardly anyone was refusing a summons from a Leading Man.

“I just enjoy dancing. Just about every weekend I go somewhere dancing.” said Leading Man Gregory Hill, an advertising manager from Glendale.

“But this is like giving something to someone. My mother’s 71, 72 years old, but very active. She says, ‘I’m glad you’re doing it. It could be me.’

“She doesn’t dance as much as she wants to; my step-dad doesn’t dance very much. I dance with her and she enjoys it. She’s trying to talk my step-dad into taking lessons.”

At the retirement homes, “some of them haven’t danced in a long time,” Hill said. “You have to be a little gentler in leading them. But it’s amazing: They follow very well and flow right along. You can tell they’ve done a lot of dancing.

“We had four women who enjoyed it so much, they talked their manager into driving them to the next home we visited and they crashed the party.”

Jon Pynoos, associate professor of gerontology at USC, says it’s easy to underestimate the value of such gestures. “They can be extremely valuable and invigorating.

“People move into these retirement communities for security and new friendships, but there is also the danger that they can become isolated over time. The largest facilities, the good ones, can generate their own activities. They bring people in. But many are not set up to do this.”

An activity such as bringing in dancing partners is “a real opportunity to reconnect to the rest of the community, to be rejuvenated with contact from the outside, especially with activities they’re interested in,” Pynoos said.

“I’m not surprised if they get enthusiastic response. First, this type of dancing is something familiar to them. Second, a lot are older women who outlive their spouses. They probably always danced with their spouses.”

The retirement-home chain, Southern California Presbyterian Homes headquartered in Glendale, is enthusiastic enough to underwrite the Leading Men with transportation and a free dinner after each dance.

“They were concerned I or my guys would burn out,” Paternostro says. “But I say, ‘Don’t worry about it.’ ” Dances are infrequent--seven per year--and she draws from a pool of 14 dancers who have volunteered. And there are more volunteers to be had if necessary. “It’s not easy to say no to Gloria,” said one dancer.

“We all went the first time because Gloria asked up to,” said Michael Johnson, 30, a mechanical engineer from Pasadena. “Now we’ve found out it’s great fun.”

The Leading Men have some things in common, said Hill. Most are single. Of the four who are married, two met their wives on the ballroom floor. “The dance association gets a little upset if it’s described as a place for singles to meet, but it’s a definite offshoot,” he said.

“I started ballroom dancing six years ago when I got divorced after a 24-year marriage. I was going to these (psychological) group sessions, and a nun who had come out after being in an order for 18 years said she had learned to relate to the opposite sex by taking up ballroom dancing. I always needed a lot of friends around and a whole lot of drinks before I’d go out and dance, but I tried it, and I got hooked.”

And the Leading Men have a passion for their dancing that has led to an intense camaraderie, Hill said. One dancer, demonstrating the waltz at a retirement home, made a nearly imperceptible mistake, and the following week his fellow Leading Men presented him with a mock waltz contest trophy inscribed “second place.”

“I admit, it’s a bit strange to think that these guys--most of us are in our 30s and 40s--want to dance at an old ladies’ home,” said Bob Ratcliffe, a computer systems analyst from Alhambra who is both dancer and emcee. “There’s the satisfaction of bringing some entertainment into these ladies’ lives, but to tell the truth, we have a tremendous amount of fun ourselves.

“We’re all really interested in ‘30s and ‘40s big-band music, and these ladies tell about dancing in the ballrooms when these bands were live and how the Astoria was in New York and all that. Our outlook at our age and theirs is probably the same.”

“It’s hard to explain,” said Johnson. “I videotape the dancing, and we catch on the tape now and then where their whole attitude changes. They have a wonderful time, and you can see it in their faces. One time, I had a woman who used a walker set it aside and come out and dance with me. She did fine. That’s where the fun comes from for me--for most of us.”

After she’s been out on the floor, Regents Point resident Tommy (“No last name, please”) had nothing but praise for the Leading Men. “They’re very thoughtful and very good dancers,” she said. “I think it’s a great idea. Being unattached, you watch the couples and you get a little bit of yearning. I haven’t danced for 20 years.”

She said she’s tried “just the plain fox trot. It’s the only safe one anymore.”

But Clarita Chapman abandoned caution and gave an impromptu Charleston demonstration.

“I think this is a terrific idea,” she said. “Unusually good. The men are very thoughtful, and I found that I was talking with them--quite a nice discussion.”

Dorothy Hilmer joined in the last dance, a conga, then pronounced the evening a success. “We all kind of wondered what we were getting into. I didn’t know whether I would dance or not, but they have a nice way of making you comfortable,” she said. “A lot of them love to dance and would--people like me, who used to have a husband and go dancing a lot. I haven’t danced in 10 years.”

Yes, she said, it was an all-right party. “I don’t get that much exercise in two weeks.”