Out of Practice, but Still Sharp

It had to have been the smug expression on my co-workers’ faces that convinced me to accept their challenge.

Retake the SAT? Eleven years after high school?

I agreed, but what was I thinking? It was bad enough the first time.

In the fall of 1979, the SAT test date at Corona del Mar High School was the morning after our homecoming dance. People came to the test still dressed in tuxes and gowns. The guy at the desk ahead of me snored through the whole thing.

But this would undoubtedly be worse.

At 28, my mind is in tune with a limited amount of thought processes, most of which are based solely on survival.

Finding my way to a Snickers candy bar, for instance, ranks high. Trying to remember to sharpen my No. 2 pencil does not.

But to better understand the plight of so many high school athletes confounded by college entrance exams, I pushed my pride aside, picked up a practice SAT exam and told my ego to brace itself.

A major brain drain was on its way.

It wouldn’t have been so bad had I not at first opened the test to the math section. See, math doesn’t mix with me. Numbers make me queasy. I don’t balance my checkbook. I can’t stand going to the bank. I don’t like to count calories.

Which is why I found terror under the heading, “Some Mathematical Concepts With Which You Should Be Familiar.”

It’s a long list, especially for someone short on math skills. It includes: linear equations, perimeters of polygons, special properties of isosceles, simple quadratic equations, positive integer exponents. . . .

Positive Integer Exponents? Didn’t they perform at the Coach House last month?

Fortunately, the practice test booklet offers such helpful tips as:

“If you’re working on a group of questions and find that the questions are getting too difficult, quickly read through the rest of the questions in that group to see if there are more you can answer.”

With that in mind, I got through the math section in no time at all.

OK, I take that back. I had to go back to, uh, just about all of them.

One of the major complaints you hear from students is that little of what they learn in school will help them in everyday life. The SAT, many complain, tests students on useless areas of knowledge.

On one hand, I’d have to agree. Most of us do not go on to become Caltech professors or aerospace engineers. (Those who do had better ace this test. If you don’t, let me know so I can select the airplanes I fly on accordingly).

That leaves the rest of us wondering about a question such as No. 16:

“How old was a person exactly one year ago if exactly ‘x’ years ago the person was ‘y’ years old?”

You have to choose one of the following to show how the equation should look.

(A) y - 1

(B) y - x - 1

(C) x - y - 1

(D) y + x + 1

(E) y + x - 1

But does it tell how old this person is? No. In real life, you’d just ask to see a driver’s license.

A few questions do involve reality. These are the dreaded word problems. Such as question 23:

“A blend of coffee is made by mixing Colombian coffee at $8 a pound with espresso coffee at $3 a pound. If the blend is worth $5 a pound, how many pounds of the Colombian coffee are needed to make 50 pounds of the blend?”

The answer is 20 pounds, but I bet you knew that.

Aspiring sportswriters--heck, current sportswriters--should know how to answer question 19:

“A baseball team has won 10 games and lost five games. If the team wins the next ‘ k ‘ games, it will have won 80 % of all the games it played. What is the value of ‘ k? ‘ “

The answer is 10, but I bet you knew that, too.

The verbal portion of the test, while perhaps not any more relative to life, is at least more entertaining. That is, if you find a thrill in antonyms and analogies.

The test also features passages from stories and questions that test comprehension. There are also sentences with incorrect or awkward phrases that the student is asked to identify.

For those who have a rough time with the SAT, consider this. The test booklet points out that the SAT “does not measure other factors and abilities--such as creativity, special talents and motivation. . . .”

That’s good. I’d hate to have a test tell me everything.

OK, I know you’re wondering how I did. Let’s just say if I were a high school athlete, I’d have surpassed the 700 score required to be eligible for athletics as a college freshman.

Let’s also say that I won’t be going into aerospace engineering any time soon.