MAKING IT WORK : Unrealistic Expectations Might Be the Real Problem

Many men who think they are impotent may really be dealing with a serious case of unrealistic expectations, says Newport Beach psychologist Mark King, who specializes in helping couples with sexual problems.

Older men shouldn’t expect to lose their ability to function sexually just because they’re aging, nor should they expect themselves to perform like 20-year-olds, King says.

“Men have to give themselves a break--they can’t be superman every time,” he says.

He also offers the following suggestions for men dealing with impotence:

* Be open with your mate so you can find a solution together--and resist the impulse to blame.

* Free yourself from the pressure to perform sexually and focus on becoming more intimate with your partner in other ways.

* Step back and take stock of the relationship. The sexual problem may be a sign that something else is wrong.

* If you’re unable to solve the problem on your own, consult with a physician and find out if any medication you’re taking could cause impotence or if there is some other physical explanation.

* If there is no physical cause--or if you have emotional difficulties with the medical solution--consider seeking help from a psychologist.