The real estate agent gestured toward a...

The real estate agent gestured toward a huge expanse of lawn, and beyond an imposing white-stuccoed palace with a red-tiled roof. “The lead singer for Throbbing Anarchy once owned it,” she said. “Asking price is three-point-three. A steal.”

We gave a long, low whistle.

“Newspaper fella, aren’t you?” she asked.

We nodded.

“Poor?”

Right again.

“Tell you what. Have another listing here. Sixty-two rooms, including a banquet hall, 16 fireplaces, a moat, drawbridge and a jousting yard. It’s on the Westside, and it’s free. “

We began to drool.

“But you gotta move fast . . . before the tide comes in. “ She burst out laughing.

“Gotcha!” she said. “It’s the 10th annual sandcastle competition, being held at Will Rogers State Beach in Pacific Palisades. Sponsored by the Los Angeles chapter of the American Institute of Architects, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday. There’s a $15 entry free for participants, but admission is free.

“Interested?”

“Stop the car!” we shouted.

We got out and started to walk. She drove slowly alongside us.

“Hey, c’mon,” she said. “Just a little real estate humor, that’s all.”

We told her to humiliate someone else, and quickened our pace.

“Slow down,” she said. “Say, you never did tell me why you needed a house with lots of floor space.”

“Dancing,” we said, and explained that we were in training for the United States Dancesport Championships, being held Saturday and Sunday at the Hyatt at Los Angeles Airport, 6225 W. Century Blvd. For information call (213) 621-5899.

Then she asked: “And why would you need a huge yard with floodlights, surrounded by an eight-foot-high chicken-wire fence?”

We told her the sad story of Bruiser, our 17-pound tabby, and his propensity for breaking curfew. A sizable yard that was well-lit and guarded, we figured, would keep him close to the hearth.

“I know what you mean,” she said. “I had a chow once. Addicted to Science Diet. Had to keep the stuff under lock and key.

“Do Bruiser a favor,” she added. “Go see animal behavior specialists Bill Stavers and Lynn Lewin, who will discuss “How to Control Your Pets’ Destructive Behavior” at noon Sunday at For Pets Only, 310 S. La Brea Ave., Hollywood. For reservations and information call (213) 934-8303. Admission is free.”

“And you,” she said finally, “are strictly born to rent.”