When Nursing a Drink, Give These Nursery Rhymes a Think
Forget Mary and the little lamb she had. Try instead “Mary Had a Little Drink.”
Mary had a little drink;
It pleased her head to toe.
She felt so good, she said, I think
I’ll drink where e’er I go.
It followed her to school and work.
The first drink led to more.
Soon her duties she did shirk;
She hid behind the door.
There is also “Hickory’s Liquory Stock,” “Blah, Blah Black Deep,” “Bombed, Bombed, the Drunkard’s Son,” and more: 41 parodies of Mother Goose rhymes.
The Sober Goose Song Book is the work of two North County women. A cassette is available.
The musical arranger is Marilyn Jones, a former teacher living in Encinitas. The lyricist/singer is a recovering alcoholic who calls herself Sober Goose and performs in heavy costume.
“There are more than enough serious clinical approaches on the market” for alcoholics, said Sober Goose. She decided to try (sometimes dark) humor.
Like this from “Georgie Porgie.”
Georgie Porgie, ginger and rye,
Kissed the girls when he was high.
All the girls ‘round him would swarm.
But Georgie Porgie could not perform.
And this from “Little Boy Blue.”
Little Boy Blue, Now why so depressed?
Your license suspended;
You’re under arrest.
And, from “Three Blind Drunks.”
See how they drive, see how they drive.
They’re all a menace behind the wheel
They cover one eye or their tires peel.
Did you ever see such a stupid deal
As three blind drunks.
And, from “Starkle, Starkle, Little Twink!”
Starkle, Starkle, Little Twink!
What I’d give for one more drink!
Drunk don’t care I’m flying high.
Whoops I crashed; I’d like to die.
The Nitty-Gritty
Signs of the times.
* Condom capers.
Packs of condoms have been the single most shoplifted item during nighttime hours at the Vons market closest to San Diego State University.
That’s why the display rack is now being put away at 9 p.m. when the pharmacy closes. From 9 p.m. until 2 a.m., when the store closes, shoppers have to ask the checkout clerk.
“Some multi-packs can cost $25,” says a corporate spokeswoman. “We were losing several a night.”
* Rolodex Madam Karen Wilkening has finally consented to an interview with “Hard Copy.”
* Oceanside Police Lt. Bill Donnelly, quoted in the Blade-Citizen on the increasing number of camcorders aimed at cops:
“It used to be that the night had a thousand eyes. Now it has a thousand video cameras.”
* Gov. Pete Wilson will be honorary chairman of the seventh annual New Year’s Eve Ball at the San Diego Convention Center. Proceeds go to charity.
* The National Enquirer is offering top dollar for pictures of Magic Johnson attending parties: for a tell-all story about his bachelor lifestyle.
Among those contacted was Don Pack, a longtime Hollywood photographer now living in North Park. He turned the tabloid down.
* North County bumper sticker: “Urban Refugee.”
* The Scout, the newspaper at Camp Pendleton, is resisting the newspaper trend toward soliciting semi-salacious lovelorn ads.
Explains a Scout commentary: “That means you can’t ask for single white males who like meaningful conversation and leather underwear.”
Something to Yell About
Since being profiled by The Times’ John Glionna, professional screamer Cheryl Lander of Temecula has been much in demand.
She’s done National Public Radio and dozens of other radio interviews and segments for “A Current Affair” and “The Best of the Worst.” Next week, she’ll do a traffic report for KTLA. And soon, an album.
So how’s her life recently? “A scream, literally.”
Why did I know she’d say that?