Mature Teens Have the Right Answers to Sex Question
I’m at that awkward age, trapped in the time warp between teen-aged hormonal lust and creeping fuddy-duddyism.
That may explain my reaction to reading about an AIDS activist group that handed out condoms Wednesday to students arriving for classes at Tustin High School. I’m old enough to have a teen-age child, and the thought of my son or daughter picking up a condom en route to history class surely didn’t sound like anything to celebrate.
And yet the part of my brain that tries to maintain rational contact with the world around me says maybe it’s not such a bad idea. At least for other people’s kids.
Here’s my dilemma: Are we really so far down the path that rampant teen-age sex has to be accommodated? Apparently so--lots of people are applauding Magic Johnson for saying he’s going to launch a “safe sex” campaign.
Is it impossible for a normal teen-ager not to have sex? Is the pressure, is the desire that overwhelming?
Seeking solace, I went to the Brethren Christian Junior-Senior High in Cypress to talk to a few students. I assumed that their religious-based education had precluded them from teen sex and wanted to ask how they say no when the rest of the world has already conceded the point that sex by 15 is standard operating procedure.
“Basically,” said sophomore Jon Puls, “the way I think to deal with it is, if you can, just to avoid the situation. If you’re not in a situation where the temptation arises, then it’s not really dangerous. If you’re in a relationship, don’t put yourself in a situation where you’re alone. Don’t give yourself opportunities. Don’t wait until the heat of the moment to try to make your choices. You’ve got to make them ahead of time. You can lower your standards if you try to make them too late.”
Amie Neilsen, 16, and Chris Jensen, 16, agreed. All three said they’ve made personal choices not to have sex outside of marriage.
None likes the safe sex message, thinking it encourages sexual activity. “It’s not safe sex,” Chris, a junior, said. “It’s kind of a sense of false security, because condoms aren’t 100% effective.”
Are the pressures to have sex that immense? I asked.
“I have a question,” Jon said. “What about the pressures that come about if you are having sex or if you are in a physical relationship? There’s a lot of pressures there too. These are all things you have to worry about, so there’s pressure both ways. You can’t just say there’s a lot of pressure to abstain. If you go ahead and do it, there are a lot more dangers.”
Amie said she has just grown up with the belief--planted by her parents and bolstered by church--that sex before marriage is wrong. “Just taking even that one chance (by having sex), there’s not just one problem area,” Amie said. “There’s sexually transmitted diseases, getting pregnant, ruining friendships, relationships, your parents. . . . I just don’t think it’s worth it.”
“Even if you haven’t been raised with a religious background or if morals aren’t even part of it, the consequences are enough,” Chris said. “Is it worth it?”
What do you say to people who say you’re naive? “I’ve never been one to worry about peer pressure,” Jon said. “I’m not the right one to ask about that. I haven’t worried about what other people think. If your friends are doing the wrong thing, why copy them?”
“If you’re using sex or drugs or alcohol as a way of taking your mind off stress, in the long term you’re going to create even more stress,” Amie said.
“Pressure comes from many places,” Jon said. “You have a lot of things to think about, but you have to think clearly. That’s the thing. We’re not too young to think clearly, sort things out and decide what needs to be done. That’s what people have to do. There’s a lot of pressure, but there are a lot of ways to deal with pressure. . . . It can get overwhelming if you let it, but if you deal with it one day at a time and take into account what’s going to happen if you do certain things, you can deal with the pressures.”
The three refuse to accept teen sex as “a given.” I asked how they decided to say no when so many others say yes.
“Basically, it’s just a matter of getting your priorities straight,” Jon said. “Realistically, you have one night of pleasure and you have a chance of dying. Is it worth it? Is it really worth it?”
I asked if they’re concerned about their fellow teens. “I’m kind of concerned,” Jon said. “Basically, this is a symptom of a larger problem--the breakdown of morals. If it feels good, do it. And these are the future leaders of America and the world, and you wonder, what direction will we go?”
Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by writing to him at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, Calif. 92626, or calling (714) 966-7821.
