PERSPECTIVE ON CHILDREN : America Has Orphaned Its Young : Our schools can’t cope alone with children who lack the basics of love and security; our social structure must change.

During the second week of school, at a hurried 20-minute lunch break, a veteran kindergarten teacher gave us these impressions: “The year is off to a good start,” she said, “but I worry about what’s going on outside the school, in neighborhoods and homes.

“I’ve noticed in the last few years that children’s lives are not running smoothly. A lot of them seem anxious. I have some who come to school hungry. I know that sometimes they’re abused, don’t get the strong support they need at home, and frankly, I really fear for the future of these children--and their families.”

It is children, then--not just the schools--who should be the focus of our concern.

It is shocking that such a high number of kindergarten students come to school educationally, socially and emotionally not well-prepared. It is unacceptable that some don’t know where they live, can’t identify colors or are unable to recite their full and proper name, which is what one kindergarten teacher told us. Another teacher made this observation: “Too many of my children come to school hungry. They are tired or in need of much love and attention. More and more students are coming with deep emotional problems that interfere with their learning.”

A third teacher wrote: “It is so sad to realize just how many children are not ready to learn when they come to school. They deserve to know by age 5 their full name and the name of the town where they live. They need to know that a pencil is something they write with--not eat--and that someone believes in them, no matter what!”

Kirsten Sonquist, a kindergarten teacher in Minneapolis and a mother of four, wrote this note at the bottom of our questionnaire: “Children need to be healthy in mind, soul and body to be ready to learn. They need more lap-time with their parents so they know they are loved. They need to know for sure that there will be a roof over their heads and food on the table tomorrow. Here in Minnesota, they need mittens and boots in the winter. These things should be basic rights,” she added, “but today they are not guaranteed to all children.”

Surely, America has within its power the means to make the earliest years enriching and productive for all our children. But whose responsibility is it to ensure the school readiness of children? Who should take the lead in seeing to it that every child receives not just food, protection and love, but also the guidance needed to succeed in school and to proceed confidently in life?

We begin, where we must, with parents. When all is said and done, mothers and fathers are the child’s first and most important teachers. It is in the home that children must be clothed, fed and loved. This is the place where life’s most basic lessons will be learned. No outside program--no surrogate or substitute arrangement, however well-planned or well-intended--can replace a supportive family that gives the child human bonding and a rich environment for learning.

Once, children were born at home with neighbors and midwives in attendance. Family doctors made house calls. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins often stopped by for casual conversation. Neighbors watched over kids and patched up cuts and bruises. The corner grocer kept an eye out for trouble. Pastors, priests and rabbis ministered at times of joy and grief. When parents were anxious or confused, it was reassuring to have such a circle of support.

Gradually, this protective ring was broken. Neighbors grew more distant, doors were bolted, friendliness was replaced by fear. Children were warned to avoid people they didn’t know. Relatives moved far away. Families became isolated and disconnected, struggling alone, and “reaching out to touch someone” meant pushing the buttons on a telephone. Modern life, which brought new options to parents, destabilized former certainties and weakened networks of support.

There is no evidence that parents have become any less caring for their children. They are deeply concerned about their well-being, and as much as any previous generation, today’s mothers and fathers worry in the dark of night about how to make their young ones happy and secure. What has changed are the pressures that many parents feel, the conflicts between work and family obligations that keep them on the go and out of touch. Time seems so limited, schedules so hectic and resources so scarce--and poor families, of course, suffer most.

Indeed, it is truly shocking that so many parents have no work at all. They have virtually no network of support, and it is an unspeakable disgrace that in America today, one in every four children under the age of 6 is growing up in a family that cannot afford safe housing, good nutrition or quality health care--benefits that should be the right of every child.

Increasingly, parents of all circumstances must turn to outside agencies for help and find themselves competing on unequal terms with the very institutions on which they must depend--institutions that not only play a much bigger role in family life than ever before, but have even begun to shape it. Child-care providers, social workers, counselors, even television personalities often are as influential in the lives of children as their parents, and perhaps even more so.

Clearly, when it comes to helping children, a balance must be struck. No one imagines returning to a romanticized version of the isolated, self-reliant family. Nor is it realistic to assume that a flurry of new governmental initiatives can do it all. The time has come to move beyond the tired old “family versus government” debate and create a new network of support, a new kind of extended family, at once both reliable and compassionate, that would be a special blend of public and private services for children.

Preparing all children for school requires, above all, imagination and will--not vast amounts of money. It calls for a determination on the part of all citizens to build a better world for children, moving them to the top of the agenda. Of course, resources also will be needed and several important federal initiatives must be taken. But helping children, perhaps more than any other challenge, is in reality not an expenditure but an investment. Further, failure to act will surely mean still higher costs later on in remedial education, unemployment and crime--wasted lives, promises unfulfilled.

What we propose is a decade-long campaign on behalf of children, one in which everyone is involved and no child is left out. Author Sylvia Ann Hewlett made the point precisely: “Throughout the ages people have striven for meaning that goes beyond the narrow scope of individual lives . . . . As we head toward the 21st Century, we may well be ready to temper our autonomous, self-absorbed drive with a concern for others. Nothing is more worth doing than easing the pain and improving the life chances of vulnerable, blameless children.”