Mom and Dad: a Unit Tougher Than Gangs : Firm Control Over the Lives of Children Can Keep Kids Out of Trouble, Parents Say

When Ed Rodriguez was a teen-ager growing up in El Sereno during the ‘60s he decided to buy some khakis. He scraped together enough cash to get the pants because he thought they looked neat freshly pressed.

Rodriguez, now a 41-year-old purchasing agent, wasn’t trying to look like a gang member. But he never anticipated his father’s reaction.

“He literally dragged me by the neck, took me back to the store and chastised the salesperson for even selling them to me,” said Rodriguez. His father scolded the cashier for selling khakis to the boy, knowing gang members wore them.

“The saleslady probably thought my father was crazy but she returned our money and promised to be more careful in the future.” Although embarrassed by the incident, Rodriguez said it served as a valuable lesson in parent power, the ability to intervene in their children’s lives.

For some Latino parents, intervention has proven effective in steering offspring away from gangs. They say intervention, structure, and logistical support such as driving youths to and from activities, limit the likelihood they will get into trouble.

Although gangs have long been established in Los Angeles, both the number of gang members and the scale of gang violence have increased dramatically in recent years. The number of gang-related deaths in Los Angeles County topped 700 for the first time in 1991, more than 2 1/2 times the 1985 toll of 271. The killings included many dramatic cases of children and adults not involved in gangs being shot to death in drive-by attacks.

Law enforcement officials report that the largest increase in gang homicides has occurred in predominantly Latino communities, ranging from barrios in East Los Angeles to the area around MacArthur Park, which includes newly formed gangs of Central American immigrants. However, gang problems are not confined to any geographic district but are spread throughout Southern California.

Experts say there is no simple solution to the gang problem, which is rooted in social and economic conditions. But some parents believe that they must take matters into their own hands by exerting firmer control over their children’s lives. The bottom line, these parents say, is to make children account for their time and whom they spend it with.

“I know a lot of kids aren’t going to like that because my kids don’t like it,” said Marianne Diaz-Parton, deputy director of Community Youth Gang Services. “When my daughter wants to go to a friend’s house, it’s not a popular thing for your mommy to show up at the door and drill everybody in that house. But I do it,” said Diaz-Parton, 32, a former gang member from Hawthorne who served a three-year sentence for conspiracy to commit murder.

She admits to inflicting tough love on her two children, while balancing it with tender loving care. Above all, Diaz-Parton’s kids must abide by her house rules.

“I tell them I’m not going to raise a gangster in my house,” she said. “I’m not going to feed and clothe a gangster in my house. You want to be a gangster? Go live in a gangster family.”

Maria Garcia (not her real name) of San Gabriel was confronted with a “wanna-be” son who flirted with danger during junior high by hanging out with gang members. Garcia asked that a fictitious name be used in this article to spare her four children any possible ridicule from other youths.

Garcia, 43, said her boy “Joey” was attracted to gang members because of the attention they received for their distinctive dress, speech, and mannerisms. But Garcia said Joey did not fit in with gang members because he had parents who enforced a curfew.

“He couldn’t stay out past 9 o’clock, and a lot of the gang activity was usually at night,” Garcia said. Nevertheless, school officials identified Joey as an at-risk student and possible gang member.

Like Diaz-Parton, Garcia did not hesitate to intervene. Her main obstacle, however, was keeping a tight rein on Joey during school hours. Then the day came when one of Joey’s friends, another wanna-be, was killed in a drive-by shooting. The murder scared Joey into disassociating himself from the gang.

Diaz-Parton said such disclosures help dispel the myth that youths involved with gangs are fearless. Her colleague with Community Youth Gang Services, George Lira, 34, offered specific steps to get juveniles away from gangs.

Lira said parents can contact Community Youth Gang Services, which may be able to intervene by approaching gang leaders to discuss a safe method of ending a member’s involvement. “Getting out of a gang is a very dangerous thing to do. It’s not something to take lightly,” he said.

Lira urged an initial change in dress from traditional khakis, white T-shirts, and Pendelton shirts.

Lira, a longtime member of an Eastside gang who served nine years in prison for violent and drug-related crimes, said another step is changing a gang member’s walk and talk. After that, parents should focus on getting the youngster back in school or interested in job skills, and eventually employed, Lira said.

Avoiding the so-called cholo look is echoed by law enforcement. Two programs, Substance Abuse Narcotics Education (SANE) and Drug Abuse Resistance Education (DARE), teach children how to recognize gang members in order to stay clear of them. But Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Deputy Jesse Martinez, a SANE instructor, recently warned fourth-graders at Park Elementary School in Cudahy that gang clothing is not necessarily proof of gang involvement.

Martinez said parents who educate their children at home about gangs create a foundation for what the youngsters are taught in school. “If parents, teachers, and police officers tell them, ‘Hey, it’s not a good idea,’ hopefully it could make (all of) our jobs easier in the long run,” said Martinez.

Lira said sports programs and confidence-building activities can help replace the time a youth might normally spend with a gang.

“Parents have to play a big part and a big role in this,” he said, “because they need to understand that, when friends begin to call, they need to monitor these calls.

“They can’t just allow their child to continue talking and hanging around with individuals that he ran with before, because all they’ll do is influence him into coming back to the gang,” Lira said. And Diaz-Parton said that, if parents are not positive role models for their children, they will look elsewhere to fill the void.

Under certain circumstances, said Raul Enriquez, who spent his youth as a member of a San Gabriel Valley gang, a juvenile can quit a gang cold turkey. Enriquez, 30, said that, after graduating from high school, he got married, started a family, and simply stopped hanging around with his gang.

Joey Garcia, the wanna-be whose friend was killed in a drive-by shooting, asked his parents to enroll him in another school district to get away from his gang friends. Lira said another option parents have is to place their child in the care of a relative or family friend who lives in another area.

Rodriguez, the purchasing agent whose father returned the khakis, and his wife immersed themselves in their two sons’ lives to keep them away from gangs in their Boyle Heights neighborhood. The boys participated in YMCA, after-school activities, and city recreation programs.

“My friends that I grew up with and went through high school with came from families who all felt the same way that my parents did,” he said. “And it was a very strong support group.”

WHY THEY JOIN GANGS: A look at what attracts young Latinos to gangs. Page 4

Where to Call For further information on anti-gang education programs, contact the agencies below:

Community Youth Gang Services, (213) 266-4264.

DARE (Drug Abuse Resistance Education), (213) 485-4856.

SANE (Substance Abuse Narcotics Education), (310) 946-7263.

Hollenbeck Parent Project: (213) 485-2942.