The Batterers : Rehabilitation: Eight men who have beaten loved ones try to learn how to stop the cycle of violence. They are doing so under court order.

The group of eight men sat on a sofa and circle of folding chairs, talking about their relationships, how to nurture themselves and how to control their anger.

Some were so soft-spoken or upbeat you would be surprised that they could lose their tempers and raise a hand against a loved one.

But unlike members of most support groups these days, most of these men were in that carpeted room, leased by the Coalition Against Household Violence, because the court ordered them to be there.

Weekly attendance at the anger management gatherings--known to laymen as Batterers Anonymous meetings--is a required part of their probation. It is a penance of sorts, but also an opportunity to learn how to keep from hitting or otherwise abusing their partners again.

The men laughed, griped and offered each other positive reinforcement for good behavior--staying sober, getting along with their wives or girlfriends, or stopping themselves before they stepped over the emotional line that brought them to the meeting.

Frank, the group’s newest member (first names have been changed in this article to protect the group members’ privacy), sat quietly, wringing his hands while the others talked about their week and how they used what they had learned in the group to better manage their lives.

At first, Frank said he had nothing to add. But with some urging, he let loose a stream of frustration and pent-up anger.

It had been nine months since he had hit his wife in the driveway of their home at 3 a.m. and had gone to jail for a day. They had since divorced. Yet, Frank admitted, he was still carrying a chip on his shoulder from the incident.

He met his wife in a bar and married her four months later. They have a daughter who is now 6. For the first several years of the marriage, he said, “it was going good. Then she did an about-face. Went out partying and drinking.”

Some nights, Frank said, he would wake up at 4 a.m. and find his wife still out. Sometimes, she wouldn’t come home at all. He often had to call his mother and ask if she could watch his daughter while he was at work.

He told the group that he was still angry because of his concern for his daughter. He and his ex-wife have joint custody of the 6-year-old.

“I hear you, and I can imagine about how much anger there is there,” said group leader David Friedlander, a counselor for the Coalition Against Household Violence. Friedlander added that he was concerned about how Frank, being so angry, was going to keep himself and his ex-wife “safe.”

“She’s history now,” Friedlander said. “She’s not your wife or your lover. But she is the mother of your daughter. . . . She’s not going to be in your past for maybe three years. And you’re going to have to deal with her.” Frank, he said, needed to come up with a plan.

Louis suggested that Frank, by isolating himself, could be compounding his lingering depression. Perhaps, he said, Frank should try what he did--seek psychological help and take antidepressants if necessary.

Frank said he just couldn’t deal with his wife’s partying and drinking.

“But you can’t change it,” Larry said.

“The only thing you can control is what you do,” Friedlander said.

Louis, too, had a tale to tell.

“I had a very troublesome two weeks,” Louis said. He explained that when a female employee at work started yelling profanities at him, he managed to keep his cool.

“I was able to sort of (remember) what’s been discussed: ‘Control yourself and not (get angry).’ . . . So I think that was helpful,” Louis said.

By not letting himself fall victim to emotion, Louis said, he was more aware of how he was approaching the precipice of anger. That, he said, “allowed me to be more in control.”

“It sounds like you’ve been able to do some modeling,” Friedlander said. “Good.”

As the meeting came to a close, the men were asked to cite ways of making themselves feel good: Tony would buy something for his daughter to wear. Ramon would purchase a new something for his car instead of spending all his money on his kids. And Fred would try to stay sober for a full week.

“I didn’t have nothing to drink today at all,” Fred said. Except for the death of a friend, he said, “everything’s fine. Hopefully, next week will be the same way.”