PLATFORM : As Women, We’re Responsible for the Messages We Send
As a woman, I can relate to the bitterness and outrage expressed by my female colleagues and friends to the recent headline makers. No question, sexual harassment and rape are not acts about which one can feel indifferent. Both are demeaning on the most basic level. Both destroy the very core of our humanness--trust in our fellow man (or woman). But, as we women come into our own socially and in the workplace, there should also be a call for “equality of responsibility,” instead of validating the conventional view of women as perpetual victims.
No one can condone or excuse violence or harassment--they are vulgar and repulsive. However, we must become more cognizant of our behavior and the messages we send--and let’s get one thing straight, we do send them, especially in an area as volatile and fickle as sex.
Because I have the impudence to demand this level of equity from women, I’ve been called “self-hating,” “brainwashed” or worse. Is it self-hating to insist that we acquit ourselves in a manner that is as far above reproach as possible? Am I brainwashed because I refuse to buy into someone’s so-called status as victim to excuse stupid or indiscreet behavior? Why is the notion that responsibility and parity go both ways such anathema to some women that the mere suggestion brings a visceral reaction? Why are women’s groups protesting so much? It seems to me that we can’t demand sexlessness and then fall back on our gender to extort concessions and special treatment.
This is not to diminish in any way a man’s responsibility to treat a woman with due consideration. That means taking a woman at her word when she says no -- no to degrading sexual comments and innuendo, no to unwanted advances, no to sex--whenever, or wherever it’s said. No means no.
I am by no means advocating a return to Victorian-era mores. But in light of today’s social concerns--AIDS, date rape, teen pregnancy and others--it’s high time we re-examined our own values for a change and, perhaps, re-adopted some of the old ones we had discarded as passe.