Snoring for success: One night during the...

Snoring for success: One night during the frenzied rush for discounted airline tickets, David Lieberman of Northridge phoned United Airlines, which put him on hold. Lieberman eventually fell asleep.

Two hours later, he was awakened by a voice saying, “Wake up. Wake up.” It was the United Airlines clerk on the phone. She informed him: “If I hadn’t heard you snoring, I would have hung up. Boy, do you snore loud!”

And Elvis tried to hold him off: The latest Sun tabloid proclaims: “Castro Led Riots in L.A . . . Eyewitnesses claim the crazed Cuban dictator led the looters.”

Keep out, Fidel: “In the aftermath of the riots,” writes Robert Sibulkin of Hollywood, “barbed wire was added to the fence around the pool area of my apartment building. But in keeping with the preordained color scheme, it was painted teal blue to match the fence and building trim. Nice touch. That should keep out unwanted decorators.”

45th day of captivity: Still no word on the whereabouts of Madonna’s bustie r, stolen from the Bra Museum at Frederick’s of Hollywood during the rioting. We think the focus of the investigation should shift to a Caribbean dictatorship.

Don’t tell Dan Quayle: T.C. Cirillo of Lakewood proudly sent along the enclosed announcement “to let you know that we do reward people who rideshare at the Southern California Gas Co.”

List of the Day: Paranormal services listed in “Spirituality L.A.,” a guide published by L.A. Weekly:

1--Psychic Eye Bookshops (various locations): “Pendulum-dowsing (finding physical and emotional problems by using a pendulum). . . .”

2--Lynn Andrews (Sherman Oaks): “Created ‘Power Deck’ of cards with one-minute prayers on the backs (for) those with a spiritual void but little time to fill it.”

3--Cow’s End (Venice): “ . . . Everything from Tarot cards and crystals to the unusual technique of foot reading.”

Memories of Jane: Tom Hayden was elected state senator--just as our foot-reader predicted, by the way--but his campaign was less glamorous than in the days when he was married to that famous sex kitten-turned-feminist movie star. Not many politicians could boast of a campaign expense like the one Hayden listed in 1982: $300 for “makeup for Jane Fonda (to pose for Andy) Warhol print.”

miscelLAny:

Astronaut Kevin Chilton, a crew member on the latest space shuttle mission, is a graduate of St. Bernard High School in Playa del Rey. Other astronauts who attended high school in this area include Sally Ride (Westlake School for Girls) and Walter Cunningham (Venice High).