This Wedding Is Brought to You by Our Sponsors

I remember way back when, people started grousing about selling out the Olympics. Seems the naysayers thought that the games and the athletes were being sponsored to death, you know, tarnishing the image of going for the gold in a strictly old-fashioned sense.

You ask me, today such criticism seems kind of, oh . . . quaint, from a bunch of poor sports and old poops.

You know the type. Reminds me of someone who would call himself a patriot but then refuse to buy a T-shirt that says “Our guys kick Iraqi butt.” (A bargain at $15.95; with sequins, slightly more.)

Did I mention that the shirt’s got a picture of the American flag? Yeah, well, it does. Note to the holier-than-thou crowd: What, you think capitalists got no class?

We on the cutting edge in Southern California know, of course, that this is clearly not the case. This is the place, after all, where a library honoring the only modern president who was nearly impeached sells refrigerator magnets of said personage shaking hands with Elvis Presley, who was clearly alive! (An absolute steal at $3.25).

(It is, however, the mature Elvis as opposed to the likeness of the young Elvis that, in an ingeniously clever marketing ploy, will soon grace millions of stamps issued by the U.S. Postal Service, which I might take this opportunity to remind you has been a proud sponsor of America’s Olympic athletes.)

All of this makes me feel so wonderfully fuzzy inside. My, we’ve come a long way, baby! Or, wait a minute, maybe the trademark I’m looking for is “We’ve Only Just Begun.”

Yes. That’s it. It’s a wedding I’m here to tell you about today. It’s the very latest, it seems. It’s beyond cutting edge. It’s crossed all lines!

No, I wasn’t invited myself, but let’s just say that an invitation to said event made its way to my desk. This “celebration of love” was held in a mall, which, quite frankly, has been done, done, done.

(Bride’s magazine confirms this, too. Hell, these days even those tired scuba weddings barely qualify as a photo op.

(Among my favorite wedding venues from Bride’s files: a garbage truck (the groom happened to meet his betrothed on his route) and a 7-Eleven (before bumping into each other near the cold cuts, the lovebirds mistakenly thought a convenience store only meant a quick stop).

What I especially like about this Santa Ana wedding, though, is the invitation itself. It’s an ad.

The bride and groom--I’ll call them Marilyn and Dan, just for fun--have thoughtfully enclosed an engraved card expressing their gratitude to the merchants who have participated “on this special day.” Then everyone from the jeweler, the hairstylist, the baker, the housewares store, the tuxedo rental, the restaurant, two department stores and the local Hallmark outlet are listed therein.

How special, no?

And did I mention that the groom happens to be very well connected in the local business community? Well, it’s true, true, true!

“The most heinous breach of etiquette that I had ever heard of is listing the registry on the invitation,” said Millie Martini Bratten, executive editor of Bride’s.

So I was happy to bring Millie the news that Marilyn and Dan have done that, too! (Although, sadly, another Bride’s editor reports that she has actually heard of one couple who had the words, “Money is preferred” listed on their invite. Oh well.)

Still, I think it’s important that Marilyn and Dan be properly recognized for what they have done. Let this be one voice, at least, that says, “How fab!” And I would like to gratefully acknowledge them for their inspiration in writing this column today.

Oh, and also, a word of advice from someone who knows what it’s like to march to a different drum: Hang tough, you two! Some people might not approve. But, hey, what do they know? They probably can’t even get a date, let alone a freebie.

And as you know, that’s what really counts!