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Businesswomen at Lunch: Mastering New-World Order

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Before we take today’s quiz on how businesswomen who invite men to lunch should handle themselves, let’s provide some historical context.

In the old days, like a generation ago, rules were simple: Men in power invited women to lunch or dinner and ran the show. They opened the door, carried the conversational ball during the evening and, of course, picked up the tab.

But with an increasing number of women in recent years rising to positions of corporate and professional authority, those roles get reversed. Women now invite prospective male clients or employees to lunch or dinner, and it is the women who must run the show.

While many women long have relished being in such situations, their unfamiliarity with hosting a business lunch or dinner can lead to potential awkwardness for both her and her guests, says Sandra Young, co-owner (along with Charlene Walker) of Women’s Focus, a 10-year-old Tustin career development company.

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Aside from unfamiliarity with being in the dominant role in a business setting, another problem is that many of today’s emerging leaders are in their 30s and 40s and never learned the art of etiquette, Young said.

So when they’re hosting a power lunch or dinner and everyone expects them to take the lead on table manners and behavior, some women panic because they’re in a strange new world.

Societal convention about male-female relationships creates some of the awkwardness, Young said. That’s never more evident than in the simple matter of picking up the check, she said.

“Women need to know that if they’re the ones inviting, they have to pick up the check,” Young said. “There’s still often the feeling that because it’s male-female, the man should pick up the check. Very often, the male will go for the check.”

The way to prevent that, or to prevent a scene from ensuing if a man may be insistent, is to alert the restaurant host or hostess upon arrival that the reservation is in the woman’s name and make it clear to the waiter or waitress that she is paying for the meal.

It’s inappropriate to make a fuss over it if the man insists, Young said, but the woman should firmly say that, next time, she insists on picking up the tab.

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OK, with that warm-up out of the way, on to the main event. It’s a quiz of what constitutes acceptable behavior and is directed at women who invite men out for business. The quiz is derived from a newsletter published by Walker and Young’s company and my own phone conversation with Young.

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1. When arranging seating, the most important person should be seated at your right, with the next most important person at his immediate right. True or false?

2. If you put some food in your mouth with your fork, then discover that’s it’s too hot or unpalatable, you should discreetly put down the fork, pick up a napkin and expel the food into the napkin. True or false?

3. At a business luncheon, is it appropriate to reapply your lipstick at the table?

4. When passing the rolls, which way do you pass them?

5. Which side of the plate is the butter dish on?

6. Arranging a breakfast meeting to conduct business is considered in poor taste.

7. If you invite a man to a business lunch, who should open the restaurant door?

8. If you leave the table, the dinner napkin should be folded neatly and placed beside the dinner plate. True or false?

9. The selection of restaurant for a business meeting is the choice of the person initiating the meeting. True or false?

10. If your client/guest orders an alcoholic beverage, you may do so. True or false?

11. It is appropriate to begin the business at hand immediately; that is, before you order. True or false?

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12. Introductions are important. Remember to say the most important person’s name first when introducing. True or false?

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Answers:

1. False. The most important guest is seated to your right, but the second most important person should be seated at your left.

2. False. You should take the food out on the same utensil with which it went in.

3. True, if discreet.

4. Left (counterclockwise).

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5. Left.

6. False. It often is the most appropriate setting, especially if the meeting involves only a woman and a man, because it eliminates any misunderstanding that the meeting has a social purpose.

7. Whoever gets to it first.

8. False. It should be left on the chair, not the table.

9. True, but the selection should be made according to the preference of the guest.

10. False, but not recommended.

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11. False. Wait until everyone has ordered.

12. True.

If you got only a few correct, the sad truth is that you may have come a long way, baby, but you’ve still got a ways to go.

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