Floored by the Holidays : As we sit here today, exactly halfway between Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Eve--and with Hanukkah just days away--it occurred to us that it’s no sign of weakness to ask for help in making it to Jan. 2.

‘Tis the season, all right.

‘Tis the season to overspend, to overeat, to overload on holiday music, to over-involve yourself with relatives and to overdo in general.

‘Tis the season to be tense.

Maybe it’s just us, but ever notice how “Christmas TREES” is quite similar in spelling to “Christmas STRESS?” That may or may not be a coincidence.

Granted, each holiday season brings its share of joy and good cheer. But one needn’t be Scrooge reincarnate to notice the other things it brings too.

There’s the nearly inevitable weight gain (and/or indigestion). The family squabbles (and/or general family Angst). The monetary delusion (definition: spending way, way beyond your means with the belief that everything will work out this year, even though you’re still paying off the department stores from last year).

And--bah, humbug--that’s just part of it.

But as we sit here today, exactly halfway between Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Eve--and with Hanukkah just 10 days away--it occurred to us that it’s no sign of weakness to ask for help in making it to Jan. 2. That, of course, is the finish line of this holiday sprint.

So that’s what we did. We asked some local experts if they could take a moment to explain what makes this time of year so stressful and to give us a few survival tips.

In the truest sense of “Christmas spirit,” they obliged willingly.

Coping With Holiday Music

Let’s begin with the most glaring problem confronting the general public this season. No, not the economy, which we will get to later. We’re talking about that incessant Christmas music.

Whether you are in an elevator, on telephone-hold Purgatory or innocently walking through the aisles of a hardware store, there it is: Rudolph with his very shiny nose, those boughs of holly once again being decked on the halls. And it’s impossible to get away from the noise--um, the melodies--short of fleeing the building.

“The music really is a symbol of power,” said Carolyn Kenny, a registered music therapist and instructor at Antioch University in Santa Barbara. Kenny believes it is the feeling of being trapped within walls of sound that irritates a lot of people.

“It’s being done to you.” she said. “You are a prisoner of the sound. It’s a feeling of being controlled.”

Aside from being annoying, Kenny said the music also can trigger old memories, many of which are often better off left untriggered.

“Music really tends to stimulate and restimulate our emotions and our memories of where we were when we heard that song before,” she said. “Very often, people have had sad families at Christmas time, or somebody died at that time of year.”

Some people can block out the music, she added, some can’t. If you are among the latter, she suggests thinking of the music in more pleasant terms. “Imagine the music as a nurturing agent,” she advised. “Music can really help to highlight positive feelings. And also, if you’re really suffering, try not to isolate yourself with that music. Be with others.”

One other caution from Kenny: If you enjoy the music, don’t enjoy it too much when you’re shopping.

“All department stores have sweet, loving, tender Christmas music that makes you want to stay in the store longer,” she said. “It’s important not to let the music control you past what you can afford.”

Managing Finances

This brings us to the problem of overspending.

No one wants to go into a financial hole, but as you probably know, it’s fairly easy to do during the holidays. Usually, the high price of gifts is the primary cause.

Believing that the more a gift costs, the more it will be valued, is a mistake many people make, experts tell us. That kind of thinking can be particularly troublesome, they add, in the current economic climate.

“We really need to de-focus the value of the gifts,” said Brian Grossman, a registered psychological assistant in Ventura, who says he was more than happy with a desk cube--with scissors, stapler and letter opener--that he received at an office party, even though it probably cost no more than $10.

“Now there’s a lot of electronic stuff that’s available. It’s easy to go from a $45 Casio Organizer to a $300 Sharp Wizard. But then come Jan. 5, and you can’t pay the credit-card bill, what are you going to do--ask your friend to return it?”

Simi Valley counselor Stephen Frueh said the pressure to spend a lot of money is particularly strong for parents. There’s a real anxiety, he said, about keeping up with Mother and Father Jones down the street.

“Especially in relatively small communities like Thousand Oaks and Simi Valley,” he added. “There’s a lot of conversation among the kids about what they’re getting.

“Kids are getting Super Nintendo plus this, and plus that. A lot of parents get unconsciously sucked into that and measure their goodness as parents that way.”

Frueh suggested that parents work out a budget regarding their children’s gifts and stick to it.

“Don’t put anything on credit cards and let the children know you are working on a clear budget,” he said. “I’ve always been amazed with my children. Once I make clear my limitations, they work well with them. It’s me that puts the anxiety on them. I always thought it was them that put the anxiety on me.”

Choosing the Right Gift

OK, so you decide to spend wisely. Now the question is: What do you spend it on?

What if you spend less on a gift for your best friend than she does on a gift for you? What if your wife hates what you get her, the same way she did last year before the big argument? Uncle Bill might have been hinting at a new vaporizer, but you’re not sure. Do you risk it?

Finding the right gift is complicated. Face it. It’s difficult business.

“Bikini underwear for a best friend’s wife,” said Frueh, illustrating a less-than-ideal choice of gifts.

If you are unsure, Frueh said, “check it out with another friend.” You might see something you get excited about while shopping and buy it for the person, he said, “but the other person might not share all that thinking.”

And all that thinking, Grossman added, can actually lead to the problem of too much thinking. Although it’s important to find an appropriate gift, he also cautioned against falling into the mind-set of always having to find the ideal present.

“If you over-analyze and get caught up having to get the perfect gift for them,” Grossman said, “you end up waiting until Dec. 24 to get things.”

Grossman suggested that shoppers first ask themselves certain questions about the recipients:

“Are they going to like it? Is it something they are going to use?” And, if you are romantic with them, “What can I get that is romantic?” For people on your gift list who fall into the acquaintance or business professional category, he said, “Stay away from perfumes, colognes, bath oils, lingerie.”

But even if you budget your holiday spending and know exactly what gifts to get, there’s still another thing to remember. Holiday shopping, by its very nature, often is not fun.

“About 75% of gift-giving is based on the urgency and demand of the season, and not on the relationship you have with the person (to whom you’re giving the gift),” Frueh said. “Because of that, there is some latent hostility in the process.

“If I’m broke and don’t know how I’m going to get through the season and I’ve got to get a gift for you,” he said, “it’s not going to give me a lot of joy to walk through Nordstrom.”

Enduring the Company of Relatives

You thought shopping was stressful? This is where the fun truly begins.

It’s usually around this time of year that members of extended families gather up the kids, pack their cars and head to the designated holiday family gathering place--yours.

Aunt Harriet wants to tell stories about when you were 3 years old and hadn’t yet learned the difference between the bathtub and the toilet. Dad wants to sit around the piano singing Christmas songs--the same ones you heard nonstop for five hours while shopping. And Uncle Ed and your cousins are revealing all of their not-so-endearing qualities that remind you why it’s been a year since you saw them last.

All you want to do is leave, but you know it would be inappropriate. “Go into the bathroom if you can’t stand the heat,” Frueh said. And if that’s not possible, he said, try thinking of the family as theater.

“Each person has kind of a role to play,” he said. “People can get a hold of that and start deciding who the crazy old aunt is, who the rigid old uncle is, who plays the part of the incompetent one, who is the letch.” This, he said, allows a person to gain the proper perspective on the whole affair.

Grossman agreed that proper perspective is a key to sanity. Another is not to take personally anything uttered at a family gathering. “The key thing is to remember that this is supposed to be a happy gathering,” he said. “Minimize the frustration and the family scuttlebutt going on.”

And then there are the families who aren’t just irritating, but can be downright dangerous to your mental health. In these cases, Frueh said, take special precautions.

“If you’re going to that kind of family, give enormous amount of distance and really pretend to see yourself as a doctor or a therapist and the family as a patient,” he said. “Or, see yourself as an actor on stage and the family as the audience.”

Controlling Food Consumption

Well, we have put it off long enough. It’s time to talk about that delicate issue of food intake.

It’s difficult enough playing that old game called “How Many Times Can I Walk Past the Nut Clusters Without Grabbing a Handful”--especially when the mind wants to comfort the stressed-out body via the mouth. But add to that all the chocolates, chips, cookies and pies around during the holidays--not to mention the 20,000-calorie turkey and ham dinners with mashed potatoes, gravy and rolls--and even Twiggy could end up looking like Rosanne.

“Between Thanksgiving and New Year’s the average person gains three to five pounds,” said Gwen Wareham, a Simi Valley dietitian, nurse and counselor. “The average overweight person gains five to 10 pounds.”

Wareham said people really need to give some thought to the season and what it’s all about. “There’s more to holidays and their meaning than just eating your way through it,” she said.

At the same time, Wareham also believes people shouldn’t beat themselves up for overeating. “It’s important to be realistic and to realize that you are going to have certain days when you are going to overeat a little. Even people in the health field or nutrition field overeat.”

So what can you do to minimize your chances of looking like a Mama Cass Elliot balloon in the Christmas parade? Linda Vickers, a Simi Valley dietitian, said to really control the amount of food consumed, it’s important to take small portions and talk a lot while eating.

“When dishing up a plate, take a tablespoon of everything to begin with and eat it slowly,” she said. “Put the fork down and talk a lot. That makes you take longer to finish what you have on your plate.”

After you finish eating, Vickers suggested trying to wait 20 minutes before going back for a second helping. “It takes that long for the brain to give the body the signal that it’s full,” she said.

If that doesn’t work, there’s always the advice of Suzanne Musone, a personal trainer in Ventura who suggested that people prioritize food. If you know you’re going to go all out for Christmas dinner and don’t want to have any stress about it, she said, “The day before, try to reduce. I wouldn’t go out and have French fries and a hamburger.” Likewise, she added, “If you know you’re going to have wine and dessert, in the morning don’t have bacon and eggs.”

Above all, said Musone, don’t worry about overeating. It will just lead to more overeating.

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OK, everyone. You all should be equipped now to endure the remainder of this season of love and good will.

Relax, enjoy and hang on for dear life.