Lessons From Life : Among nuggets gleaned: ‘Worrying about things doesn’t help. If it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen.’

It seems I was fated from the age of 7 to become involved with seniors. That was when my mother became critically ill with peritonitis. In her delirium she penned an ethical will in which she told me I was adopted. And I should “always be kind and listen to old people.”

Thanks to the power of sulfa drugs and Mom’s tough constitution, she is still around providing me with advice and commentary like: “You make more noise than a cow peeing on a flat rock.” Or, “Before you complain about your feet hurting, consider the man who has no legs.”

And while shopping for holiday gifts, I noticed that many of Mom’s pithy, hard-boiled observations are reflected in two popular gift books, “Life’s Little Instruction Book,” and its sequel, “Lessons Life Has Taught Me.” The latter contains many observations of older people.

So with 1993 looming upon us, I decided to visit the Ventura Avenue Senior Center to ask some habitues about their new year’s resolutions, lifetime milestones, and what lessons life has taught them.

First I caught up with Marie and Peder Toft as they finished their lunch. They have been married for 15 years, having both been previously widowed.

Marie, 89, grew up on a farm in Charleston, W.Va., and remembered having been most impressed with electricity. “I remember the iceman coming around and the children following him for chips.”

Her most poignant bit of wisdom brought tears to her eyes in the retelling: “I remember when my sister died at the age of 21. I heard my Dad say, ‘Just be thankful we had her as long as we did.’ ”

Peder, who is 76, said his most memorable experience dated back to 1929, when at the age of 13 he came with his family from Denmark to Minnesota.

“The hardest lesson for me was learning a new language, English,” he said. “And I worked on a farm from age 13 to 17. And that taught me not to be a farmer,” said the retired carpenter.

Next, I ventured into a room where five senior gentlemen were too intent on their game of “low ball”--a form of poker I was told--to wax prolific. But between bids, a 67-year-old, calling himself “just plain Eddie,” confessed, “Life is still as confusing as it was when I was 18.”

Walter Coleman, 68, who was perched on the edge of a pool table watching the card game, was more communicative. A great- grandfather 15 times over, Coleman advised, “Don’t mess with no damn drugs. I’ve seen it ruin too many people’s lives.”

And his New Year’s resolution--”to get well enough to visit friends in Kansas City”--while seemingly modest, represents great courage and optimism. He is recovering from cancer surgery performed in July. Coleman’s jawbone was replaced with healthy bone from his forearm. And he has relearned how to speak. So his desire represents a happy goal.

And his philosophy of life? “I’m too old to worry. Worrying about things doesn’t help. If it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen. So if I want a beer, I’ll drink it.”

My final lesson was learned at the knee of 95-year-old Olga Ager, while she simultaneously played seven bingo cards during the center’s twice-weekly game. “Be nice to other people, and they’ll be good to you,” she intoned. And her final pronouncement: “I never get angry. I don’t allow myself to get angry. There’s no point because you don’t gain anything.”

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For seniors interested in kicking up their heels, there are several opportunities to dance well into the new year:

* A New Year’s Eve Ballroom Dance for adults age 50 and older beginning at 8:30 tonight will kick off a series of dances held at the Goebel Senior Adult Center, 1385 E. Janss Road, in Thousand Oaks. The $15 admission to the New Year’s Eve gala includes refreshments, door prizes and music by the Unforgettables. Advance sales only through this afternoon.

* The Thousand Oaks Senior/Adult Dance Club will sponsor dances twice a month with live music at the Goebel Center. Annual club membership is $6. Admission for members to each dance is $4 and $5 per non-member. Dances will be held on the first Saturday from 8-11 p.m and the third Sunday from 6-9 p.m. “Johnny Olins “ will provide live music for the dance on Jan. 2 and “The Windsors” can be heard Jan. 17.

* “Johnny Olins” will also provide music for two Sunday Afternoon Tea Dances at the Goebel Center on Jan. 10 and 24 , 3:30-6:30 p.m. Admission is $6 per person. For details on all dances, call 497-1639.

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Self Help for Hard of Hearing People (SHHH-Conejo Valley) will hold its regular monthly meeting on Thursday, Jan. 7 at the Thousand Oaks Public Library, 1401 E. Janss Road, in Thousand Oaks. Following a social time at 9:30 a.m., the 10 a.m. meeting will feature a discussion of individual hearing-related experiences and needs for future programs. SHHH is a volunteer, nonprofit international organization of hard-of-hearing people, their relatives and friends. The educational group is devoted to the welfare and interests of people who cannot hear well but who are committed to participating in the hearing world. Everyone is welcome. For further information, call 493-1955 or 646-0222.