Tolerance Could Be Amazing Elixir

Tolerance is a family value. Let’s think about that.

If we could all show some tolerance, perhaps carloads of teen-age boys, when looking to have some fun, would not include on their list beating someone senseless because that person is gay, or might be gay, or is in a “known gay area.” This time, according to Laguna Beach police, it was gay-related.

But that isn’t always the case. People will beat you senseless for almost any reason these days: If they don’t like the way you look, dress, the color of your skin, whom you choose to love, the way you live, the god you worship--any of those seems reason enough to them for violence.

Tolerance does not mean agreement. You can disagree with people and their religion, their choice of mate, the color of their skin, their culture, their morals, even their hair--but you don’t get to beat them over it. Somehow, we need to learn to get along.

Hate crimes are on the rise in Orange County. Our population is growing rapidly and with that comes more opportunities, but also more immigrants, homeless and people of other color, cultures and religions.

A large population brings a variety of cultures, lifestyles and beliefs. Homogeny is out, diversity is in.

As Orange County Supervisor Thomas F. Riley said in his statement condemning such hate crimes, “What makes this county great is our diversity. Let it not be our downfall because of ignorance and lack of understanding.”

We can learn to get along by talking and listening to each other. Let’s do that early in life. Our high school students will soon be entering colleges or the work force, both very diverse environments. We’d be doing everyone a big favor by teaching tolerance in our schools and our homes.

The Orange County Human Relations Commission tries to teach us to live together in peace and harmony. The commission has a formidable task and is doing an outstanding job of bringing diverse groups together to understand one another. But its goals and efforts must be expanded throughout the community.

Recently, Dana Parsons’ column in The Times featured an interview with a Christian man who said that people were misunderstanding him because they were caught up in stereotypes of Christians. We all understand him a little better now.

The gay and lesbian community says the same thing, as well as Latino, black, Asian, American Indian, Jewish, Buddhist and other residents . . . the list goes on.

Let’s include tolerance as a value we teach our families-- all families.

Recently, there has been a movement to narrowly define what is considered a family. Gays and lesbians have been excluded from that definition--but ask their parents, brothers, sisters or children if they are family. Their answer is yes. Single moms and dads, an aunt raising a nephew, a life partner caring for his or her mate are all family members, and come in all colors, religions, orientations and cultures. And their family values include love, acceptance and tolerance.

We are quick to fear what we don’t understand. To understand each other we need to talk to each other. Let’s start by understanding each other’s family.

Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays/Orange County chapter (PFLAG) is trying to help bring about that understanding. The chapter provides support programs including panels composed of parents of gays and lesbians as well as gays and lesbians who talk about who they are. They are your neighbors, friends, co-workers; they come from all walks of life and religions, and like that Christian postal worker in Parsons’ column, they want the opportunity to tell people who they are as a person, not a stereotype.

Life in Orange County includes exposure to all kinds of people. Our schools help prepare young people for “life.” It’s time to increase the programs that teach tolerance; to explain hate crimes and impress on our future leaders the need to get along with people they disagree with.

The Human Relations Commission has hate crime projects in the schools and PFLAG is trying to have its panels heard there, too. Those kinds of programs belong in the schools and should be enlarged.

Let’s have as our goal: getting along. Tolerance will allow us to strengthen our community through our diversity. We can’t afford to discount someone’s skills, talents and contributions as a citizen because of the person’s skin color, religion, sexual orientation, culture, physical disabilities or heritage. We all have too much to offer our county and our country.

To quote President-elect Bill Clinton: “There is not an American we can afford to waste.”

Tolerance is a family value. If we can learn tolerance we might even end up liking each other--despite our differences.