PARTNERS CHANG HAN AND CHONG MI LEE : ‘Fearless Together’ : Modern-Day Romeo and Juliet Overcome Disabilities and Their Parents’ Concerns to Make It on Their Own

Wrapped in each other’s arms, Chang Han and Chong Mi Lee view a videotape of a wedding that wasn’t supposed to be.

“Chang Han says I am his Juliet,” says Chong Mi as she watches herself in a puff of white lace sitting in a wheelchair pushed by her groom, handsome in a tuxedo.

Yes, says Chang Han, “We are like a modern-day Romeo and Juliet.”

He’s talking about a suicide pact the Lees say they would have carried out if their parents hadn’t allowed them to live together after their wedding two years ago.

The families, concerned because Chong Mi, 28, has cerebral palsy and Chang Han, 36, is mentally retarded, had vehemently opposed the marriage. But after Chang Han said he would slash his wrists, and Chong Mi said she also would kill herself, the families agreed to support the couple.

“In the beginning, I was opposed to the marriage,” says Seon Ki Kim, 62, Chong Mi’s father, speaking through interpreter Bonnie Kim, who counsels the Lees.

“But mostly I was worried that Chang Han would change his mind about Chong Mi because her physical handicap prevents her from doing many things, especially house chores. But then I saw how much Chang Han loves her.”

“When I look at them, sometimes I get frustrated because of their limitations,” says In Sung Lee, 53, Chang Han’s oldest sister. “But we have managed to overlook that. We know that Chong Mi and Chang Han are not lonely. They are happy. They love each other and it is their love that helps them overcome the challenges they face every day.”

Indeed, the Lees try not to let their disabilities get in the way of their independence.

Last March, they settled into their own place in Koreatown, moving away from an apartment complex designed for the disabled--and supervised by counselors--where they lived for almost a year after their marriage.

Now, in their one-bedroom apartment, they share household chores--he does the laundry, she handles the cooking, they both pitch in with the cleaning.

Together, they work at a package-assembly workshop, and then return home to an hour of “Jeopardy” and “Wheel of Fortune” or a game of JhangKee--Korean chess.

Together, they have built a life without the safety nets once provided by families and counselors.

“Together,” says Chang Han, “we are fearless.”

Two years ago, the Lees were secretly married in a civil ceremony at Los Angeles City Hall. After they told their parents, trouble erupted.

Chong Mi’s parents vowed to move her to Las Vegas to keep the couple apart. Chang Han’s father expressed disgust with his son. And Chang Han recalls the time In Sung--who now lives a few doors away from him--said, “You would be better off dead than married.”

“If I couldn’t live as a married man with Chong Mi, then there would be no other choice but for me but to die,” says Chang Han, a tall, muscular man who never leaves home without wearing his gold-and-red 49ers jacket.

But now, most everything has been forgiven. Their families gave the couple a second, elaborate wedding with a Presbyterian ceremony and saw them off on a four-day honeymoon in Yosemite and San Francisco.

They also showered the couple with wedding gifts, including furniture. The Lees would love to save enough money for a house of their own. Until then, they get by with a combined monthly income of $1,000 in Social Security benefits and salaries from the downtown rehabilitation agency where they met.

Chang Han has worked there for more than 10 years and Chong Mi for almost six. Because Chang Han is mildly retarded, he often serves as a supervisor to those who are more severely impaired. At noon, he and Chong Mi--who packs their lunches with Korean food she cooks every evening--are inseparable.

“Chang Han is an incredible person,” says David Han, a counselor at Asian Rehabilitation Services. “Many of the other clients look up to him and both he and Chong Mi are admired because they are married.”

“They truly represent the impossible dream,” says another friend, Christopher Dill, manager of the independent living apartment complex where the Lees once lived.

“I feel that he and Chong Mi can really make it on their own,” says Dill, adding that “Chang Han has worked hard to become as normal as the other guy.”

“He pays his bills on time, is responsible and, most important of all, he opened up his heart and loved somebody.”

Meeting Chong Mi--a short woman with shoulder-length dark hair and a ceaseless smile--sparked love at first sight, says Chang Han. At work, the two slipped letters into each other’s pockets for four months, never telling co-workers about their crushes.

“There are three things about Chong Mi that make me love her,” he says. “She is healthy. She is very generous. She is always cheerful.”

“He is sincere and intelligent,” Chong Mi says. “And he is handicapped like me.”

In their sun-filled living room, Chong Mi pushes herself off the sofa as she offers to make coffee. Using her hands and arms, she maneuvers her body to a low table in the living room where bottled water, ground coffee and a coffee maker sit.

Chong Mi--whose cerebral palsy was diagnosed when she was 1--cooks by leaning against the kitchen counter. She gets around by holding onto furniture and bracing her body against walls.

“If I got married to someone with a handicap, I figured we would get a mutual understanding for each other’s situation,” she says. “And we have, even our parents are understanding things about us.”

“Once in a while my parents come by and they are really satisfied with the way we are managing our lives,” she says. “And other times they say they regret that we got married. They are still trying to figure it all out and one day they will.”

Meanwhile, “if we need something, I get in my wheelchair and Chang Han pushes me to Vons,” Chong Mi says. “We live just like a married couple.”

“But,” interjects Chang Han, “we never, never argue. Since I’ve known Chong Mi, we never had an argument. We love each other too much to fight.”

“Our lives are not easy, but we can’t feel bad for ourselves,” he says.

“We realize that we must take care of each other,” Chong Mi adds. “Together we can do it.”

Together, she and Chang Han know they must face the future. And with as little help as possible.

They have decided against having a family because of concerns over the difficulties involved. Chong Mi does want to learn computer programming and how to drive. And Chang Han’s dream is to find a full-time job helping the disabled.

“All my life I felt alone because I was always at home,” Chong Mi says. “My parents and brothers really treated me well, but still, the loneliness was there.”

Chang Han also felt left out. Until he fell in love.

“Being married has changed me,” he says, his arm around his wife’s shoulder. “I have a companion I can talk to. We do things together. Now and forever, I have someone to love.”