A Lifetime of Love : How do you keep romance alive through 60 years of marriage? These longtime valentines share their secret.
Believe me, if all those endearing young charms,/ Which I gaze on so fondly today,/ Were to change by tomorrow, and fleet in my arms,/ Like fairy-gifts fading away,/ Thou wouldst still be adored, as this moment thou art. . . .
--Thomas Moore (1779-1852)
It’s easy to make much ado about young love as Valentine’s Day rolls around. But talk to me after 60 years with that young swain or sweetheart and see how you feel.
Or--better yet--talk to Lou and Charlotte Swartz of Camarillo. The couple will celebrate their 60th anniversary April 2. When I met them in The Oaks mall on Super Bowl Sunday, they were strolling arm in arm. During our conversation, Lou, 80, and Charlotte, 78, couldn’t keep their hands off each other.
Lou and Charlotte met in New York and became engaged when she was 16 and he was 18. They married two years later in 1933 and have a son, a daughter and seven grandchildren, and are awaiting the birth of their fourth great-grandchild.
Both were in the dress manufacturing business--he was a pattern maker and she was a designer--in New York before they moved to Los Angeles in 1935. Ten years later, they opened their own business. Then, after Lou suffered a mild heart attack, the couple sold their manufacturing business and opened a retail dress shop in 1955. They are now retired and have lived in Leisure Village for 17 years.
I asked them about their life together, and they shared their views--mostly by finishing each other’s sentences with timing that Burns and Allen would have envied.
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How do you keep the romance going?
Charlotte: “It’s a bit of luck and a whole lot of effort. It’s a desire to have things work out. But it has to be a 50-50 arrangement. I love him, that’s all. Lou’s polite and does little things like opening a car door. When we go into a restaurant, it’s second nature for him to seat me and take my coat off my shoulders.
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How did the two of you meet?
Charlotte: We met on a miniature golf course. He was with some friends.
Lou: She was the cashier and wouldn’t let me in free. When I met her, I made a date and we went to a movie and an ice cream parlor.
Charlotte: Afterward, we’re sitting in the car in the pouring rain and he tells me he’s going to marry me.
Lou: She gave a nervous laugh and went home. Two weeks later at her Sweet 16 birthday party, I gave her some jewelry. But her mother says she can’t keep it because she’s too young. But she kept it anyhow.
Her mother said Charlotte had to also go out with other boys. This was a bunch of teen-agers who met each week in a different house. And I was the only one who had a car. So I would drive everybody home and drop Charlotte’s date off first. Then she and I would sit and talk.
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When you finally were married, was it with your mother’s blessing?
Charlotte: We were married in my mother’s house with family and a few friends. There was no catering or photos--it was during the height of the Depression.
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What advice would you give readers on maintaining a successful marriage?
Charlotte: It sounds corny, but on our wedding day, my grandmother said, “Don’t ever go to bed angry. Kiss each other good night.” And we’ve always done that. You have to be tolerant. We disagreed about things. But then we came to a conclusion.
Lou: And we always spent 24 hours a day together. We played golf together. We bowled together. We did everything together. If she does something that bothers me, I go for a walk. I come back in a half hour and I forget about it.
Charlotte: He likes to walk anyway. And if nothing can be gained by bringing something out in the open--forget about it!
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Many religious institutions will offer an opportunity for people to renew their wedding vows in observance of Valentine’s Day. Call your local church or temple for details. The following is a sample of events:
On Sunday, World Wide Marriage Encounter Inc. will sponsor an all-Spanish Mass at 2:30 p.m. at Our Lady of Guadalupe Catholic Church, 801 Jennings Ave., Santa Barbara. A free reception with cake will follow. For reservations, call 962-6754.
Also on Sunday, the Office of Family Life of the Los Angeles Catholic Archdiocese will hold a ceremony at 2 p.m. at Sacred Heart Parish, 10800 Henderson Road, Saticoy. A registration fee of $10 per couple or $15 per family includes a reception with cake. For reservations, call 483-1654. People celebrating milestone anniversaries are invited to attend ceremonies at the Cathedral of St. Vibiana, 2nd and Main streets, Los Angeles, at 2 p.m. with Cardinal Roger M. Mahony. The same registration fee applies. For details, call (213) 251-3228.