Roses are red,Violets are blue,Love and romanceCan...

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Love and romance

Can be virtual for two.

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Yes, it takes two to tango, to exchange billets-doux, to make babies, the whole bit. It may even have taken two to make St. Valentine, the Britannica says. “One was a (3rd-Century) Roman priest and physician who suffered martyrdom during the persecution of Christians by the emperor Claudius II Gothicus. . . . The other, bishop of Terni, Italy, was martyred, apparently also in Rome. . . .”

Then the encyclopedia hedges: “It is possible these are different versions of the same original account and refer to only one person.”

There you have it. A single saint who may have been two people, who may have been one: a model for the two-hearts-beating-as-one experience that all lovers know.

“The modern tradition of sending valentine cards,” the encyclopedia cautions us, “has no relation to the saint.”

But what about the entry on the very next page for Valentino, Rudolph (1895-1926)? Can we intuit a connection between love notes and the name of The Sheik? That rattle you hear is the sound of old silent-movie fans nodding affirmatively into their teacups.

The valentines we know--the ones every first-grader was supposed to send every other first-grader, though somehow the class queen got extras and the class geek got none at all--reached their perfumed, lace-bordered apogee in the Victorian period. Examples will be shown today and Feb. 28 at the Santa Monica Historical Society Museum, 1539 Euclid St., Santa Monica. Hours: 1 to 4:30 p.m. Information: (310) 394-2605.

Why the Victorians?

Well, they didn’t have cars, for one thing. That means they didn’t have back seats or drive-ins or motels on the edge of town. Romance had to be conducted at a discreet distance, via the written word.

Also, the British Empire--upon which the sun never set--included many cacao plantations. Heart-shaped boxes of chocolates often accompanied the little notes--and chocolate, as we now know, has stuff in it called pheromones that make parts of our brains waltz or, in larger doses, jitterbug.

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Today, when getting close presents hazards far worse than morning breath, we might expect valentines to make a comeback. But the Cyberpunk Revolution has spoiled all that, according to a recent news magazine story.

Instead of mailing low-tech red hearts made of ground-up trees, it seems, a 21st-Century lover will be able to engage in “virtual sex” with anyone else in “cyberspace”--that is, linked to his or her computer.

It works like this. Wally in Westwood and Natasha in Novosibirsk will don form-fitting body suits sewn with electronic sensors. Plugged into their respective terminals, they will electronically touch their lovers’ images on their screens--and feel, on the skin side of their suits, the tingle of each other’s touch.

There may be an audio component--or at least words in English and Cyrillic flashing on their monitors: OH, YES! or NOTHING BELOW THE NECK, BUSTER, OR I’LL TELL MY BABUSHKA.

Two hearts, two minds, two bodies; one computer link.

St. Valentine would love it.