Is a Legal Nanny a Luxury? : Paperwork is complex, documents can be forged; only the rich and the lucky can do the right thing.

So you’re scared straight. No Zoe- or Kimba-gate for you. By-the-book child care is a must, with all papers filed, all payments made.

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Lots of luck.

People who know about these things say that unless you’re very rich or very lucky, it’s almost impossible to do. The paperwork is complex, the green card process may take 10 years and documents are sometimes forged.

“Having babies would be only for the elite if there were no illegal workers,” says a single mother who knows her nanny’s papers are fakes.

Few are willing to admit, on record, the futility they feel.

Representatives of 20 employment agencies, phoned at random, insisted that all the nannies they recommend have proper documents and are in the United States legally.

When promised anonymity, however, they all conceded that most documents they see are probably forged, purchased on downtown street corners. Because the nannies are probably illegal, they command the lower salaries ($500 to $1,200 a month is typical) that clients demand.

Experienced American nannies and Europeans here legally command $500 to $700 per week, the agencies report. Only the very wealthy can afford to pay such salaries--which do not usually include deductions for taxes or Social Security.

One Westside agency owner explains:”Good, legal nannies can’t relate to gross. They only relate to net. If the job offer is for $500 per week, they want the whole $500. They expect the employer to figure out taxes and Social Security payments and to add that to the salary. Or the nanny and employer can decide not to pay; that’s between them, and we don’t want to know.”

Lisa, a small-business owner and the single mother of a 9-month-old boy, says she tried desperately to comply with the law.

A “compulsive patriot” who has always “paid more taxes than I owe,” Lisa says she planned to pay taxes and Social Security for the “legal nanny” she hoped to hire.

Reality struck when she started her search before the baby was born.

“It wasn’t just the salary of legal workers I couldn’t afford. They demand more than money. They want their own room and bath and a car to use in their time off. My house has two bedrooms and one bath--and I own one car.”

Then Lisa learned that the sister of her neighbor’s cleaning lady, an undocumented worker from El Salvador, wanted a job. “The woman had raised her own children, she was gentle and I liked her,” Lisa says.

“No dice,” said the immigration lawyer that Lisa consulted.

He could do nothing to expedite the woman’s working papers. “He said my unborn child would be full-grown before this woman became legalized. And if I hired her and paid her Social Security and taxes, the INS might deport her and the IRS might get after me.”

Lisa continued her search until the week before her baby was born. “Then I figured the hell with obeying the law. I called an employment agency that I’d heard specializes in illegal alien nannies. The owner came to my house with three women. None spoke English, but all nodded yes, they wanted the job. I hired the one I liked best. She’s lived here nine months, and my son and I adore her. She sleeps in his room, cleans the house and takes care of him five days a week, for $500 a month.”

Lisa pays no taxes or Social Security for the nanny, since that would “get all of us in trouble.” She says she’s “so scared” of being found out that she’s decided not to take the child-care deduction when she files her 1992 income tax return. “I want no written record that I employ this woman. I pay her in cash.”

Immigration lawyer Mark Ivener says there are thousands of families in Los Angeles who want to do the right thing by sponsoring someone to become a legal worker. But it just doesn’t work, he says.

“First, you apply for the nanny’s certification through the Department of Labor. To do this, you must show that the nanny has had one year of experience in her field. You must also put an ad in the newspaper for three days and keep a job offer open at the local unemployment office for 30 days. During all this time, you cannot legally employ this person.

“If no qualified U.S. citizen applies for the job, you must notify the Department of Labor, confirming that you intend to pay the prevailing U.S. wage for child care. Roughly six months later, a certification will be issued, after which you must file a petition with the U.S Immigration Department for a green card. That takes roughly one month. The petition approval is sent to the U.S. counsel in the country from which your nanny has come. Her name goes on a list, and there is approximately a 10-year wait” before she will get legal documents.

Ivener says that by even taking the first step in this process, you may be letting yourself and your nanny in for trouble.

“I know a number of cases where people filed for labor certification, which is the very first thing, and Immigration came to pick them up for deportation and fined the family for whom they worked. I won’t file these cases any more, because you potentially subject your client to being deported.”

Ivener says he doesn’t tell clients what to do but “outlines the risks.” Chief among these is the fact that by even trying to help an undocumented domestic worker achieve legal status, you are admitting guilt.

So what’s a mother to do if she can’t afford legal help and doesn’t want to break the law?

“She could get lucky and find a nanny who was here before 1987, which means her green card might be real because she went through amnesty” (the 1986 Immigration Reform Control Act), says the head of a Westside agency that offers $300-a-week nannies from El Salvador, Guatemala and Brazil.

Or she might hire an American or European au pair.

Jill White, of Au Pair Extraordinaire in Los Angeles, says her agency recruits “all-American girls” from towns across the country.

They are 19 to 21, they start at $150 a week, they typically stay for a year and they’re usually girls who want a change of scene after leaving school, she says. “We find them by advertising in out-of-town papers. They fill out questionnaires, send us a copy of their DMV records, a police background check and a health report from their doctors. We do some pre-interviews in their hometowns, and some girls send us videos.”

White says the au pairs make their own tax and Social Security payment arrangements with their employers.

Some employment agencies specialize in European au pairs who are allowed to work in the United States for 12 months under the provisions of a J1 student visa.

“Our au pairs should not be considered maids, servants or employees,” says Paula Lotz, marketing director of Au Pair Homestay USA, an agency.

” Au pair means equal with, and they are to be treated as equals in your family,” she says. Although all have “appropriate child-care experience,” she says the 52-week work stint is considered a “cultural exchange opportunity that has child care attached to it.” The cost works out to about $175 per week, Lotz says.

These au pairs must have private bedrooms and must work no more than 45 hours every seven days. They must leave your home after 12 months, although they are permitted to travel in the United States for one month before going home. After that, their visas expire.

“It’s not for everyone,” Lotz explains. “Some families aren’t interested in a cultural exchange opportunity--they just really want heavy-duty child care. Some don’t have the extra bedroom or they can’t possibly have someone who works only 45 hours. If the parents work a 60-hour week themselves, they’re not good candidates for our program.”