‘Girls Also Use Sex’
To see how teen-age girls view sex, Times staff writer Michael Quintanilla talked with a group of students from two Los Angeles high schools, the Metropolitan Skills Center and the Downtown Business Magnet.
Q: Why have sex?
Dee Dee McDaniel, 17: Ideally, a girl enters a relationship for intimacy. “When you have sex in a relationship it does bring you closer. And many times a girl feels if she doesn’t have sex with him, ‘I’m gonna lose him.’ ”
“But if you’re just messing around, then it’s not for love. That’s why you see a lot of girls kicking it (hanging out) right along with the guys.”
As for guys, “a lot of them don’t want to have anything to do with you after you have sex with them. They don’t want to take you out.
“The guys use you for sex, but then the girls also use sex and guys for money and their cars. If you ask a guy for money, like to get your nails done, then you probably have to ‘give it up’ to him. And girls will do that.”
Q: Is that common?
Chiquita Scott, 17: Yes. “Your girlfriends will say, ‘You better give him some because he won’t do anything for you if you don’t.’ ”
Rebecca Quezada, 17: “If a guy is cute and fine, then you want to have him. And then later on you get pressured into having sex. And then after that, he’ll throw it in your face when he wants to get it again. He’ll say to you ‘I give you this. I give you that. And you don’t give me something I want.’ ”
Chiquita: “Some guys look at a girl’s body and say ‘I’m gonna get some of that.’ They don’t look at her personality. But, in fairness, girls do the same thing. They’ll look at a guy and think the same thing: ‘I’m gonna get some of that.’ ”
Wendy, 17 (wanted last name withheld): “To be honest with you we want the same thing we’re giving them.”
Glenda Montes, 17: “There’s girls who feel ‘I like this guy, he’s real cute and I would like to be with him. He’s a player.’ The girl wants to be with him and he knows it, so he teases her. He says, ‘What’s that baby, you want to go here or there with me?’ He’ll tease you.”
Q: In many cases, you say you go out with guys who are older--at least by three years or more. Why?
Glenda: “Guys our own ages are immature. They have no job, no car, no experience with their words and no experience knowing how to treat a female,” Montes says, adding that when she was 11 years old she hung around with older friends. “When I was 13 I felt like I was 17. Now I feel like I’m 20.”
Wendy: “When I was 13, I went out with 20-year-olds. We partied.”
Sharon Osornio, 16: “Older guys know how to push the right buttons. Even they’ll sometimes tell you ‘It would be so wonderful having a baby together.’ Once you become pregnant, they split. I’ve seen that happen to many friends.”
By the same token, “Girls will have sex to have a baby with the guy thinking ‘I’m gonna be more than just a girlfriend. Now he’s gonna stay with me.’ But that doesn’t happen. He isn’t gonna stay with you.”
Glenda: A girl will get sweet-talked into having sex with a guy because he’ll throw drags (pick-up lines) on you. “He’ll say ‘I won’t do you wrong, baby. I’m gonna treat you right. I’m gonna treat you like no one has before. You’re not gonna regret this.’ Sometimes you fall for it.”
Sharon: “Sometimes girls drag on guys. Among the most popular lines: ‘I’ll be faithful. I only have eyes for you. You’ve got everything I want in a man.’ ”
Q: What did you think of the Lakewood High sex posse?
Rachel Rios, 15: It’s disgusting. For awhile I’ve heard about (posses like that) . . . If a girl has sex, you’re considered a slut, but guys can’t be sluts.
Q: Do girls talk about sex and assess the performance of their partners?
Chiquita: “Girls talk about it . We’ll be saying, ‘Oh he didn’t do this, but he does do this and he’s not a good kisser or he’s a great kisser.’ ”
Sharon: Having sex is “like a habit. Sometimes you have sex because you want to keep the guy. If you love him or if you think you love him you’ll have sex. Then sometimes you’re with a guy and you’re thinking ‘I don’t want to have sex with him’ but he’s saying ‘If you love me, prove it to me’ and he means having sex. So you do it because you don’t want to hear him saying, ‘So why don’t you want to do it? Is it because you’re bored with me? You don’t love me? Are you getting it from someone else?’ ”
Glenda: “A guy will ask ‘Why are you playing this now?’ when a girl doesn’t want to have sex. He’ll say ‘See how you are.’ So you feel bad and you do it to satisfy him.”
“Nowadays, a relationship with somebody is like you are married. A guy wants to have you on check (know where you are). You’re not boyfriend and girlfriend. You’re not gonna see holding hands and pecks on the cheek. You’re gonna see grabbing and having sex. Mostly now, guys are rough with girls. They put one hand around your waist and the other hand is going everywhere.”
Q: How do you stop this, if you don’t like it?
Vehanush Karapetyan, 17: “It’s all up to the girl to say ‘No’ if she doesn’t want to do it.”
Q: Are you saying it’s always the woman’s fault?
Chiquita: “My mother always told me sex is something for you and someone else to enjoy. My mother told me when you have sex try to use protection and enjoy it at the same time. It’s up to you. It’s your body.
“If you can’t stop a guy, then you want it. You have to be straight with him from the start.”
Glenda: “Whatever happens to you, it’s your fault because you look for it, you ask for it.” Sex is something real serious, but people are taking it as a joke. It’s dangerous: Gonorrhea, syphillis, AIDS . . . young people are having sex. Guys are just doing it. (Most) girls are teases, they lead guys on, the girl backs off when the guy comes on . . . .”
Q: Isn’t sex supposed to be something special?
Vehanush: “Sex is no big deal because girls think it’s cool to sleep with a guy. Some of the girls who sleep with guys aren’t even boyfriend and girlfriend. They just do it to say ‘Oh, I slept with him.’ And the guy can say ‘I’m a macho man.’ ”