It’s Only Civilized to Feel Superior to Snobs Who Snub
“Snob, n.-- a person who attaches great importance to wealth, social position, etc., having contempt for those whom he considers his inferiors, and admiring and seeking to associate with those whom he considers his superiors; a person who feels and acts smugly superior about his particular tastes or interests.”
If you’re wincing right now, you’re not a snob. If you’re saying to yourself, “Well, of course , my dear,” then you are.
The question among the civilized people of earth, naturally, is how to weather the inevitable attacks of snobbery from the uncivilized.
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HE: The first thing to remember is that snobbery is insecurity, nothing more. Sure, our first instincts are to brain the snob with an ice sculpture, but we’d go to jail, and they’d still be a snob. Better to treat snobs as if they were actually human: smile, be solicitous, be kind, be polite. And then, be gone. Yes, they’ll think you were being nice to them because they deserved it for some reason or other, but you’ll know better, and so will nearly everyone else.
SHE: How do I snub thee? Let me count the ways: I greet you with a frosty “hello” and don’t include your name; I look beyond you when we meet--fail to recognize you; I don’t return your phone calls; I make you wait when we have an appointment or miss it altogether; I turn away when you look my way; I toss you a look of disdain, or I ignore you altogether.
When I do these things I may be expressing insecurity, but just as often I’m expressing feelings of anger, jealousy or powerlessness. People act out what they can’t say.
I used to work hard to win over people who were remote, cool. I was sure I had offended them. But, I’ve learned, it’s a waste of time. There’s no way I can relieve them of their negative feelings. They must do it for themselves.
HE: I realize I’m about to flatly contradict myself, but heck, even we social ciphers need a little pay-back from time to time. If you can’t stroke the feathers, then twist the knife. Get a little crazy.
The snob doesn’t acknowledge you? Clap him on the back and say, loudly, “Hey, pally, you don’t remember me? I poured you and your niece into that cab last Saturday night!”
Doesn’t return your calls? Phone back and say to whomever answers, “Is Mr. (or Ms.) Bean Brain in? This is the lab with the test results.”
Shoots you a look of disdain? If it’s a man, have the waiter bring him a Pink Lady with a big parasol stuck in it. If it’s a woman, send her a double boilermaker. And be sure, in any case, to tip the waiter to ensure a loud announcement of the selection.
Oh, OK . . . so it’s petty and rotten and puerile and stupid and we’ll go to hell if we do it. The only thing to do is to apply the basic snob philosophy answer: So what?
SHE: Exactly. My favorite definitions of snobbery: “Snobs in high places assume great airs and are pretentious in all they do . . . the higher their elevation, the more conspicuous the incongruity of their position.” (S. Smiles)
“The true definition of a snob is one who craves for what separates men rather than what unites them.” (John Buchan)
My pet peeve: salespeople who look down their noses at you. Please. I’m a potential customer. Why the look-what-the-cat-dragged-in expression? Am I not good enough for your eau de toilette , your costume jewelry, your designer knits? Must I wear ermine and a tiara when I shop?
HE: The poisoner is new money. Not money. New money. Too many people who’ve gotten too rich too quick and learned too few manners along the way. They equate wealth with worth.
When I lived in San Francisco in the early ‘80s, there was no way--unless you followed them home--to peg the people who lived in the immense mansions in Presidio Heights or who had gigantic wealth that went all the way back to the Gold Rush days. They wore jeans and drove Toyotas. To them, money wasn’t a golden calf, it was a tool. As plentiful as water and they took just about as much notice of it. Turn on the faucet and out it comes. They accomplished things with it and didn’t give a particular damn who was or wasn’t impressed.
Rich? Fantastically so. Snobs? Not for a second. They wouldn’t let a snob carry their shaving kits. And if Robin Leach ever came near them, they’d shoot to kill.
SHE: Jerome Kirk, a sociology professor at UC Irvine, once explained the local snobbery to me this way: “Orange County is modern. New. Twenty years ago you could stand on a hill at night beside UC Irvine and not see a light.”
Now all you see is lights. “Our growth has programmed us to deal with strangers,” Kirk said. “People who don’t come from anywhere. People who don’t belong to any tradition.”
Strangers spell social insecurity. So virtually everyone in Orange County is a social impostor in the sense that just a few of us were born to the social position to which we aspire.
“We only have so much time to get ahead,” Kirk said. “So we spend it trying to maximize our own acquaintances with someone of higher stature. Just about everybody is getting snubbed.”
