Taking the Measure of Tender Male Egos : Damn but if Frank, the 22-year-old ex-Marine, wasn’t outscoring me. And so was Steve, the psychologist. (Not that I was feeling threatened.)
“Do you want to try a feather?”
It was a nice feather. A big feather. If I had to guess, I’d say the plume was purple. Color-blindness, you know, tends to be a guy thing. If it wasn’t purple, maybe the feather was pink. Just call it a purplish pink.
Our temptress was clad in something short and lacy, and she waved the feather like a magic wand. Of course we’d give it a try. Frank, a big, crew-cut guy fresh out of the Marine Corps, smiled as the feather stroked his neck. Next it was my turn. Then she went on to the psychologist, the plumber and the guy in the Harley-Davidson shirt. There were 17 men in all, including the president of the local chamber of commerce.
The feather was a tame beginning, and certainly no threat to our manhood. And manhood, the ultimate guy thing, was what this night was all about.
It’s not a quality that is easily defined, though courage is certainly a part. Beyond that, opinions vary. But unless you happen to be gay, most men would agree that an important aspect of manhood is the ability to please a woman. And we’re not talking about sending flowers on Mother’s Day.
It was this aspect of manhood that most concerned our hostess this evening. Judy Levy’s name tag identified her as a “love consultant.” With her husband, Moe, she is the proprietor of The Love Boutique, a 10-year-old Tarzana shop that specializes in, as Judy puts it, the accouterments of romance--oils, lotions, lingerie and “toys.”
This was, Judy said, the first such “Pleasure Fair Party” she’d hosted for men only. Usually, Judy stages such affairs for women only. They’re much better customers, more open to trying something new, she explained.
Guys, of course, may attribute women’s “openness” to the shopping gene. But Judy gently suggested it is something else--that men, with their tender egos, take offense at the notion they might need any help at all. No matter how fabulous we may be in the boudoir, Judy said, “we all need help. . . . We all need a little extra sparkle and support in our relationships.”
Judy seemed to know her audience. Most of the men were married or otherwise involved. About the worst thing that can happen in a relationship, she warned us, is for one’s sex life to become boring.
A few lingerie models and saleswomen ably assisted Judy as she led us from feathers to oils and lotions. We were quizzed on our sensual experience. We were awarded 100 points for receiving a massage, 150 points for giving one.
“It’s better to give than to receive,” Judy reminded us.
“We have a fabulous massage oil.” Judy encouraged us to try a little. “Just on your hands, gentlemen. It’s a PG kind of party.”
The seduction moved forward, the quiz becoming more and more provocative. “Have you ever . . .?”
Damn but if Frank, the 22-year-old ex-Marine, wasn’t outscoring me. And so was Steve, the psychologist. (Not that I was feeling threatened or anything.)
In time Judy got to the “V-word,” and it took me a while to figure out what she meant. Then she showed us a set of gadgets that operate on electricity.
There was a variety of such implements, such as the little device nicknamed “the Freeway Flyer.”
“Rush hour doesn’t have to be boring,” Judy explained, “although we want you drive safely.”
Then there were the creative imports from Japan. Judy said that, although she doesn’t like to contribute to the trade deficit, the simple fact is that Japanese make the best V-gadgets.
The guys seemed most impressed, if not taken aback, by a model called The Great King, priced at $74.95. (The Japanese, you’ll recall, also invented Godzilla.)
Journalist that I am, I thought it my duty to ask Judy the question I’m sure all the men must have been thinking of. What if women decide that such technology renders men inadequate, if not obsolete?
Nonsense, Judy said. She assured me, I mean us, that The Great King can’t hug, kiss and whisper sweet things. V-gadgets, she emphasized, are just “playthings.”
Of course, for many years women have told men that their abilities in the bedroom can’t be measured with a ruler. But a lot of guys still don’t buy it. Perhaps you’ve noticed the ads in the sports section lately that target men who dare to dream that their manhood can be surgically enhanced. Such voluntary surgery, it seems, would require a profound insecurity and a sad kind of courage.
The love consultant takes a different tack, manipulating the male ego and prodding the paradox of manhood.
Judy never put it this way, but this was her challenge: Were we man enough to overcome our male egos? Were we bold enough to make a few buys?
The love consultant rang up several sales.
As for me, well, what do you think I am?
Some kind of wimp?
Scott Harris’ column appears Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday. Readers may write Harris at The Times Valley Edition, 20000 Prairie St., Chatsworth 91311.
