Get me to the funeral on time:...

Get me to the funeral on time: A wire service story out of Miami announced that the Dade County Medical Examiner will begin “a trial run of bar-coded toe tags to identify corpses” and thereby avoid “embarrassing body mix-ups.” The story said the system was “similar to one already in use in Los Angeles.”

Well, good luck, Dade County. The L.A. Coroner’s office did put bar codes on toe-tags several years ago--another L.A. first--but then problems developed. (No one can remember what, but we’re not sure we want to know.)

Nowadays, the coroner’s office says the only things it uses bar codes for are case files.

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Giddy-Up, Starship!As you may have heard, actor William Shatner has agreed to come down to earth to preside as grand marshal of the 105th Tournament of Roses parade. Some previous appointees that proved interesting:

* Shirley Temple Black (1989): She was posing for photographers with roses in her arm during a pre-parade publicity appearance when her voice went hoarse. “You know I can’t hold these roses anymore,” she said. Asked why, she responded: “Because I’m allergic to them.”

* Dwight Eisenhower (1964): One bathroom in the Tournament House became known as the Eisenhower John after a prolonged visit from the retired President during a post-Rose Bowl dinner. At first, his absence wasn’t noticed. Then, there was “Secret Service all over,” former Grand Marshal Lathrop Leishman later recalled. “We heard this hammering and hollering. It turned out Ike was stuck in there. The john had a sliding door and apparently he forgot how to slide it open.”

* Richard Nixon (1960): The tournament theme, innocent enough at the time, proved eerily prophetic for the President-to-be: “Tall Tales and True.”

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It’s hard to stay out of his lane: Not only has the Century Freeway been re-christened in honor of former South Bay congressman Glenn M. Anderson, but part of the Pacific Ocean is named for him as well, Dave Lindell of Hacienda Heights points out (see map).

Although Anderson may never top the record of L.A.’s former mayor for leaving his moniker etched on things, Lindell does points out: “I’m almost sure I’ve never heard of a Tom Bradley Ship Channel.”

You had to give somebody the idea.

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More exciting news: The latest appointee to L.A. County’s West Mosquito Abatement District is Thomas C. Dull.

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It’s all red meat, anyway: We’re not surprised that Carl Karcher has vowed to fight his firing as chairman of Carl’s Jr., which he founded. As Karcher’s personal spokesman Steve Fink put it so eloquently: “This is a man with hamburger flowing through his veins.” Of course, his chain’s forerunner, which made its debut 52 years ago at Florence and Central in South-Central L.A., was a cart that brought in $14 the first day--selling hot dogs. But why quibble.

miscelLAny:

We hate to see a group abandon its principles: The Elysium Institute nudist colony in Topanga has scheduled a party for Oct. 30--a costume party.