Under One Roof : The holidays are a wonderful time for families, but it can be near impossible to get everyone together at the same time and place. But planning can solve problems.

Anyone who has ever scarfed down two turkey dinners in one day, at homes representing two different branches of the family tree, understands the problem all too well. For some families, getting everyone together on the same day at a mutually agreeable location requires diplomacy, compromise and creativity. For others, it’s impossible.

Rita Tilkian, 51, of Encino has four sisters and a brother all living locally, married, with children and collectively numbering 30, counting in-laws and children’s in-laws.

“It’s pretty hairy getting everyone together,” she said. But for the last 15 years or so, Tilkian and her siblings have stuck to a clear holiday assignment schedule, giving the Tilkians Christmas Day, her brother Christmas Eve, one sister Thanksgiving, and other sisters Easter and Mother’s Day.

“Some sisters go to their in-laws and then to my house on Christmas, but we’re a very traditional, fun family, and the schedule has worked out well all these years,” she said.

Others take a more unilateral approach.

Cathy Roberts, a home organizing consultant in Agoura, says she and her husband felt that when they had their first child 22 years ago, they didn’t want to drive all over town on Christmas.

“We told everyone that we were going to have Christmas here, and they were welcome,” she said.

Stella Macy of Castaic, also an organizing expert, says the problem with the holidays is that people try too hard to satisfy too many people’s disparate get-together wishes, and get frustrated or exhausted.

“You end up regretting it if you try to make everyone happy,” she said.

Macy has found that holiday get-togethers are often laced with complex or long-held traditions that may start to conflict as children marry and gain in-laws and other relatives.

She says some people, especially those with children, have such packed schedules that it’s tough even to decide how to fit in time for a Christmas dinner anywhere.

“My sister-in-law is a classic case,” she said. “She’s a nurse, her husband’s a policeman and between their schedules and the kids’ soccer games and school events, it’s incredible. When the holidays come, her schedule is so packed, she can’t even decide which day she wants to get together.”

Roberts advises extended families to sit down together and talk, sharing what traditions are especially important and seeing if workable compromises can be achieved.

But when it doesn’t gel, she thinks that people should just stretch out their holiday celebration to include a wider span of time. For example, Roberts’ family has made a tradition of going to their grandmother’s house to help set up her Christmas tree.

The event has gradually been transformed into a multi-generational slumber party, with everyone pulling their sleeping bags around the newly decorated tree.

Some invite the extended family over the week before Christmas for neighborhood caroling with an informal dinner, she says.

Families can also plan a dinner or get-together in the week after the big day, giving everyone something to look forward to when life is a bit less frenetic.

“Christmas can be such a letdown once it’s over. It makes sense to stretch out the holiday a bit,” she said.

Macy has seen some families adopt an alternating holiday ritual, spending every other year visiting relatives, with the off-year spent quietly at home.

“It’s nice because you know year to year what to expect,” she said.

Despite all the creative options, Roberts says it is important to realize that it may be impossible to carry on childhood traditions forever.

“Have a wonderful time with your own children and create good memories for them,” she said.