Auld Lang Syne to Nose Rings, Marky Mark, ‘Def’ Times

A s the year comes to a close, your Social Climes staff decided to hang up our tuxes, evening gowns and black spandex bodysuits; swear off nouveau Beaujolais and tiramisu; rub our tired feet, and reflect upon our evenings out. Here are some of the highlights--and low lights--of the party year gone by.

Stealth Party-Goer of 1993: The major star and spouse who arrived at Swifty Lazar’s Academy Awards night party at Spago, spent 15 minutes there-- 15 minutes-- and left with souvenir centerpieces.

Big Winner: The benefit premiere of “Sleepless in Seattle” that raised $2.5 million for the Motion Picture and Television Fund Foundation. This was, by far, the most financially successful benefit premiere in history. Fund-raiser/Disney exec Jeffrey Katzenberg told the crowd that the entree of steak and crab was “the most expensive dinner you’ve ever been pressured into paying for.”

Innerspace Traveler Award: Trip meister Timothy Leary. “Just a couple of years ago, I discovered a great new way to get high and keep me in a fog for hours,” Leary announced at the L.A. Reader’s 15th anniversary party. “It’s called senility.”

Continuing Bizarre Trend: Having a premiere party without screening the film. Last year, David Lynch’s “Twin Peaks: Firewalk With Me” was feted unseen. This year, Trimark Pictures and the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror Films celebrated the release of “Leprechaun,” a film so bad they didn’t show it at the premiere. At the party sans screening for 300--where cheese, crackers and one bowl of pasta were served--a guest noted: “There was one paparazzo, and he wanted to leave.”

Fashion Risk: At Elton John’s Oscar night party for his AIDS foundation, Whoopi Goldberg, trying to negotiate her ball gown, sat down for dinner by arranging her skirt up and over the top of the back of her chair.

The Invitation We Managed to Resist: “Join us for hors d’oeuvres, live music and dancing. . . .” The event being the grand opening of a showroom featuring German-trained attack dogs.

Most Piercing Question: Was ’93 “The Year of the Nose Ring,” as one fashion observer said, or is pushing the metal to the septum dated? “My nose ring almost cost me my job,” said a woman at a record industry party. “My boss said it was passe. He said he wouldn’t introduce me to any famous people anymore.”

Just One Big Happy Hollywood Family: “This is always the most dangerous audience. The industry audience. If there is anything wrong with the movie, that’s what they like most about it.”--Tom Hanks at the premiere of “Philadelphia.”

More Happy Hollywood Family Chat: At the “Rich in Love” premiere, a laser-tongued guest said: “It’s like ‘A River Runs Through It’--except there’s no river and nothing runs through it.”

Techmania: Radio headsets proliferated at Hollywood parties, worn by the organizers, the publicists and even the caterers. Granted, instant radio communication makes things easier when the buffet has an unexpected shortage of spring rolls, but does a publicist or caterer really need to look like Ted Koppel filing a satellite report from the Gaza Strip?

Last Rites: Lunch with mom will never be the same without the Bullocks Wilshire Tea Room. When the landmark 63-year-old department store closed last spring, lines circled the Tea Room for one last--well, it’s not PC, but we’ll say it anyway-- ladylike lunch. Not even the pumpkin ravioli at Emporio Armani Express in Beverly Hills will assuage our longing for Bombay Salad.

Most Grateful Dead: “The Death of Def,” a publicity stunt/funeral service for a change of firm name deleting the first word in Def American Recordings. The “ceremony of honored entombment” at Hollywood Memorial Park’s Chapel of the Psalms included a eulogy by New York’s Rev. Al Sharpton for 500 and a performance by the Amazing Kreskin, who sent four mourners into spontaneous hypnotic trances.

Show Me the Way to Go Home: The Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation awards banquet lasted 4 1/2 hours, making the Oscars seem speedy by comparison.

Candidate for a Building Expansion Loan: The lobby of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences on Wilshire Boulevard. Either have smaller premiere parties there or have bigger parties somewhere else. Trying to cram the hordes into the space makes for a mosh pit, with hundreds diving for the buffet while trying to suck air.

Fashion Loser: Fanny packs worn over suits--or, in a few cases, over tuxedos, making guys look like black-tie marsupials.

Class Act: Hollywood party planners spend weeks in a flop sweat trying to secure an A-list. Can they get Streisand? Will Warren and Annette bring the baby? But sometimes the best guest lists include the old guard. Take the opening night fete for “The Will Rogers Follies” with celebs Dick Van Dyke, Juliet Prowse, Carol Burnett, Imogene Coca and Karl Malden. There’s a lot to be said for veteran actors: They are not surly and know how to deliver a sound bite with aplomb.

Separated at Birth: Blond bouffants, low-cut black outfits, cleavage for days--no, it wasn’t the Del Rubio Triplets but Ivana Trump and Fabio, looking like twin action figures at La Trump’s book party.

Life Defies Art: There’s a scene in “Last Action Hero” when Arnold Schwarzenegger, playing himself, attends the premiere of his film and his real-life wife, Maria Shriver, sharply warns him not to yack to reporters about his chain of Planet Hollywood restaurants. At the real premiere of “Last Action Hero,” Schwarzenegger was asked what he thought about the megaparty the studio threw. He replied: “The whole thing was just spectacular. It was like the Planet Hollywood opening in London.”

Major Faux Pas: Drew Barrymore chain-smoking at the premiere of “Sliver”--a benefit for the Stop Cancer charity.

The Aging of Aquarius: Party-goers are used to finding little lagniappes and door prizes (Barbie-sized bottles of perfume, for instance) at dinner tables. But at this year’s Bay Area Music Awards, earplugs were tucked under the napkins--and when the after-dinner bands began to jam, the formally dressed guests jammed plugs into their ears and sat back to enjoy.

Year of the Ribbon: In addition to the red ribbons for AIDS awareness, 1993 brought us purple (for urban peace), black (for Cesar Chavez), peach (for breast cancer), green (for environmental issues) and red with gold teddy bears (for pediatric AIDS).

Nudity Becomes Relative: At the premiere of “Made in America,” co-star Jennifer Tilly, who has a no-nudity clause in her contract, described her first day on the set. “I got there and they said, ‘Here’s what you wear.’ And they held up these two little round circles of paper. And I said, ‘Where do I wear them?’ And they said, ‘You stick them on your nipples.’ I put them on and I looked in the mirror and I thought, ‘I think I’m naked.’ I started to get really confused. Like, does no nudity mean you don’t see anything on the screen? Or does it mean you’re not naked on the set?”

If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It: This had to be the year of invitations that instructed, “Dress Festive” or “Dress Glamorous,” “Creative Cocktail.” But what does that mean ? “Black tie” or “cocktail attire” are decisive. Also inherently glamorous and festive, although not creative, unless like, say, producer Doug Cramer, you wear little jeweled David Webb frog studs. Anything else just invites embarrassing free-for-alls.

Most Tasteless Event: The entertainment that Calvin Klein, honoree of an AIDS Project Los Angeles fashion industry event, imported from Manhattan sent shock waves through the usually cool L.A. crowd this summer at the Hollywood Bowl. First, Marky Mark, Klein’s then-underwear mascot, dropped his jeans and grabbed hold of his private parts. Then a male model pranced down the runway in a jock strap, followed by several topless teen-age girls. It’s just as well they served dinner first.

Most Tasteless Promotion of ‘93--Or Any Year: The coverage of River Phoenix’s death reached some unsavory levels, but nothing was worse than an advertisement from a Silver Lake video store that read, “In honor of poor dead River Phoenix, Videoactive presents this tribute to rivers in general and River in particular,” going on to recommend some selections for rental: “The River’s Edge,” “Red River,” “A River Runs Through It.” . . .