A Checklist for Meeting With Your Child’s Teacher

Report cards will be hitting the kitchen tables of homes throughout the Westside in the next few weeks, and some will undoubtedly raise questions.

If your child brings home poor grades, probably the best way to figure out what went wrong--and how to make it go right next time--is by meeting with your son or daughter’s teacher.

I’ve noticed that the prospect of meeting with teachers is often as frightening for parents as it is for kids. But with a few tips from someone on the “other side,” you should be able to have a relaxed and productive conference with nearly any teacher.

Most important, give the teacher (and any other staff you want present) enough notice. Some parents call me just a day--or even hours--before they want to confer. Bear in mind that teachers have a number of meetings and duties outside the classroom, so they most likely need a couple of days to clear a time slot for your conference.

Offer the teacher at least three or four time slots when you are available so that you can quickly agree on an appointment.

Equally important is that you contact the teacher--not the principal or other administrator--first. There’s no need to go over the teacher’s head at this point--and don’t expect much sympathy from the teacher if you do.

Ask the teacher to bring his or her grade book and samples of your child’s work. You’ll have specific items to talk about, and can see for yourself the quality of your child’s work.

Next, call the counseling office to request that a counselor attend the conference. This helps to ensure a calm, organized conversation. It also ensures that there will be a witness if a confrontation occurs.

If you’ll be late or can’t show, call. Teachers generally have more work to do than their preparation periods allow, so their time is valuable.

More often than not, it’s better if the student is not present at the start of the conference. Kids tend to act defensively and interrupt constantly. It’s vital that you and the teacher be free to develop a rapport in an adult atmosphere, before the student joins you.

In addition, keep the conference brief. Bringing a list of your questions or concerns is a good way to tackle them efficiently.

It must be difficult to listen objectively to criticism of a son or daughter, and it must be tempting to become a little defensive. But don’t fall into the trap of trying to excuse your child’s problems by using cliches that generally spell “denial” to most teachers, and can make them deaf to the rest of your conversation.

For example, don’t blame the problem on a “personality conflict” between teacher and student. Teachers are usually committed to, and experienced in, getting along with all kinds of personalities.

Claiming that a teacher is simply “out to get” your child is also shaky. Believe me, teachers have too many students and responsibilities to launch a campaign against one kid.

The winner of the Yarber Award for least believable explanation, however, is the “My child never lies” defense. There has never been a child who has not lied at some point!

A more effective approach is to keep your mind open to the possibility that your child may display at school some sides of his or her personality that are not seen at home.

Finally, ask the teacher to suggest ways you can help the child perform or behave better. No matter how angry or embarrassed you may be, don’t resort to verbal abuse of the teacher. This may seem obvious, but some parents vent their parental frustrations by insulting, cursing and even threatening a teacher.

Remember that the teacher simply wants to work toward the same goal you do: making your child more successful at school.