Parenting : In Step With Social Graces : * Cotillion teaches children more than dancing. It offers a chaperoned introduction to the opposite sex.
Flash back to the Age of Innocence when exquisite table manners, graceful dancing and witty repartee were as essential to a young person’s education as the skills needed for a profession.
Flash forward to 1994, where kids are more apt to identify with flatware-free Big Macs, hip-hop and Beavis and Butt-head. Amid such influences, some parents, seeking a more balanced cultural diet for their children, are turning to classes in social graces called cotillions.
Although the word cotillion is the name of a French dance, in current American usage it denotes a combination of etiquette lessons and ballroom-dance instruction. For parents, it’s also a chance to allow youngsters, under the eye of proper chaperons, to have their first social contacts with the opposite sex.
“Parents know this is not dancing school, this is social training,” says Gaye Smith, who runs a program called National Cotillions in Westlake Village and Beverly Hills. The etiquette portion of Smith’s program features lessons in courtesy as well as deportment.
While youngsters might balk initially at the prospect of spending free time learning to walk across a room, the feedback from students is surprisingly good. “It’s fun and you get to learn fun things,” says Shannon McLaughlan, 14, of Chatsworth, who has been taking cotillion classes for three years. “The boys like meeting the girls,” she adds, “even if they don’t like the etiquette.”
Her brother, 10-year-old Kevan McLaughlan, doesn’t even mind the etiquette. As he puts it, “The manners part has helped me a lot. Now, when I bump into someone, I say excuse me.”
Jacqueline Swarthout Smith, a Palms Springs resident who teaches cotillions at the Encino Woman’s Club and the Northridge Woman’s Club, believes that whatever attitude students start out with, they’ll be glad later that they took her class. As for laying the groundwork with reluctant youngsters, she believes, “It’s up to parents to make children understand it’s good for them.”
The cotillion season runs from October through April, but now is the time to enroll--or consider enrolling--children for the fall. Gaye Smith registers students during March and April, until classes are full. Swarthout Smith holds sign-ups in the fall but offers an April registration option as well as a September information meeting, for those who want to learn more before enrolling.
Once the season begins, Swarthout Smith conducts monthly classes for children from fourth through eighth grade. Her program, which is called the Swarthout Valley Cotillions and was started by her parents in 1939, consists of seven sessions, four of which focus on dancing and etiquette lessons. The other three are full-blown cotillion parties, some themed--like the Western Hoe-Down--others more formal.
Gaye Smith’s Westlake Village classes--held during the same time period for students from fourth through 12th grade--are all centered around parties. Each month, participants begin by going through a formal receiving line, during which they must properly present their escorts. Other skills they pick up include how to cut in on a dance and carry on a civilized conversation.
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Although perceived by some as intended only for would-be debutantes and their dates, Valley cotillion programs are open to a variety of interested youngsters, depending on available space. While most of Smith’s students come to her through recommendations from former students, private schools and country clubs, only a small portion actually go on to make a formal social bow. The same is true for Swarthout Smith, who sees a mere handful of aspiring debs in her classes.
Shannon McLaughlan, one of the girls who does plan to make a debut, appreciates the social training she gets from Swarthout Smith. While her brothers, both fellow students, go through this too, the 11-year-old, Erik, merely endures it as he waits for what he really enjoys.
“I like how they teach you to dance,” he reveals. “It’s modern--not just the old-fashioned ways--and more than one step.”
Whatever their reasons, the McLaughlans’ mother Denise is simply grateful they’ll go to a cotillion. She, too, attended the Swarthout program as a Sherman Oaks teen-ager and regards it as preparation for later life.
As might be expected, such an educational amenity doesn’t come cheap. Tuition for Swarthout Smith’s 1994-95 classes will run $140 per student, with scholarships available. Gaye Smith charges $75 per student.
WHERE AND WHEN
What: 1994-95 Swarthout Valley Cotillions.
Location: Encino Woman’s Club, 4924 Paso Robles Ave., Encino; Northridge Woman’s Club, 18401 Lassen St., Northridge.
Price: $140 per student for seven sessions.
Call: (619) 328-4332 or (818) 222-8138.
What: 1994-95 National Cotillions, Westlake Village.
Location: First Neighborhood Community Center, 31830 Village Center Road, Westlake Village.
Price: $75 per student for seven sessions.
Call: (818) 889-0632.
