Brazelton Gives Care That’s Pediatrically Correct
He walks into the room and grown women with babies in their arms swoon. His piercing, pale blue eyes fix you in a gaze that is so compassionate, so loving and understanding that women just want to melt.
Or run away with him . . . bringing the children, of course.
And then he begins to talk in his slight Waco twang and he says things you’ve dreamed of hearing from other men:
“Child care is not just a woman’s issue, it’s a man’s issue, too, and we need men to be included.”
And: “I think women are the stronger sex; the trouble is, we are pushing them so hard right now to perform both jobs (parenting and working) that we haven’t given them the backup they need.”
And: “Parenting today is so much harder than it used to be.”
T. Berry Brazelton: every mother’s dream date.
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Brazelton, the 75-year-old pediatrician, Harvard professor emeritus, best-selling author, cable TV star and child development guru, was in town recently to promote the paperback edition of his most recent book, “Touchpoints.”
Frankly, I jumped at the chance to meet him, just as I jumped at the chance to have my daughter sit on his lap because--pediatrically speaking--you just don’t get closer to God than that.
The concept behind “Touchpoints” is that every developmental leap is accompanied by a temporary regression. Or, as Brazelton writes: “Those predictable times that occur just before a surge of rapid growth in any line of development--motor, cognitive or emotional--when, for a short time the child’s behavior falls apart.” The book is aimed at helping parents recognize those moments and avoid falling apart along with their kids.
Brazelton is, as they say, a usual suspect, often rounded up by Washington pols whenever they want to make a point about children.
His research was critical in the formulation of the Family Leave Act, vetoed by President George (“Family Values”) Bush and signed into law by President Clinton.
He was a member of the National Commission on Children, which issued a report in 1991 about the crisis facing American children and families--particularly those living in poverty. Its conclusions--that the United States needs a strong pro-child policy instead of rhetoric--were strongly echoed by a report released two weeks ago to much fanfare by the Carnegie Corp. Which means not much has changed.
“I think there are some deep-seated biases in this country that keep us from looking at what we are doing to families,” Brazelton said. “One is that we think families ought to be self-sufficient and they ought to suffer if they aren’t. That makes us do things like welfare, which is sick !
“The second thing is we all feel that women ought to be home with their kids and if they aren’t, the kids are gonna suffer. And the third is, we don’t like failure and we don’t like poor people, so we’re not gonna really do anything to help them.
“But biases only operate if you don’t understand them. The second you understand them, you have a choice.”
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At Vroman’s Bookstore in Pasadena, the line of mothers and babies snaking out the back door may not have rivaled the crowd drawn by shock jock Howard Stern, but the passion was more deeply felt.
“There aren’t enough good words to describe him,” said Jody Yoxsimer, a City Hall budget analyst who brought 8-month-old Julianne to meet the good doctor. “His advice is so on the mark. His manner is so comforting.”
“He has such a soothing voice,” said Steve Morgan, a food broker, father of 2-year-old Jennifer and one of the only men in the vicinity. “My wife watches him religiously. He reminds me of my own pediatrician when I was a kid.”
Brazelton seems never to have met a parent he couldn’t stand. And that, I think, is why parents love him so.
“Well,” he explained, “this started when I was 5 years old, with my own mother, who was a wonderful lady. She set up the first abortion clinic in Texas in 1940! I had a younger brother and--I don’t know how I got spared--but he was the target for all of her anxiety. And she would just sit by him hour after hour trying to push food into him, and if he wouldn’t eat it, she would put it into the icebox and take it back out and start all over again the next time. And I could see, even at the age of 5, that this little boy’s life was being wrecked by the pressure of a mother who cared so much!
“And I thought at the time, ‘God, if you care so much, why does it have to go so wrong?’ And this is really behind my philosophy. I don’t think parents make mistakes because they don’t care, I think they make mistakes because they do care. And if you assume that they care, but just don’t know what’s going on, then you can have all the patience in the world.”
And all the patients, too. Brazelton estimates that in 40 years of pediatric practice, he has cared for 25,000 children.
Can you imagine the waiting list?
