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LAUGH LINES : Jokes

Fax watch: Most readers took the results of our David Letterman / Top 10 Contest in good cheer. Not so one anonymous person who faxed us:

“Who makes up your Laugh Lines Supreme Court? Disgruntled ex-postal workers?”

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Mixed bag: Reader Greg Hahn says the only problem with being an underachiever is that after you finally do something, you realize that you can’t even be a good underachiever.

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Comedy writer Patti Steger reports that Dan Quayle’s return to the political arena is being met by throngs of cheering people: “Unfortunately for him,” she says, “they’re all comedy writers.”

Reader John Degatina of L.A. claims that he overheard this conversation from two elderly female shoppers in North Hollywood: “I think Bill and Mary are going to get along just fine. He’s turning into a vegetable and she’s become a vegetarian.”

Comic Greg Hilbers thinks that the “Three Strikes and You’re Out” law should apply to men at discos: “When the third woman turns down a guy’s request to dance, he must leave the club.”

Reader Chuck Milliken of Anaheim recalls a favorite Sid Caesar TV skit, in which the comic had someone in his Rock Band on radar. Asked why, Caesar said: “In case we get too close to the melody.”

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Comedy writer Tony Peyser on the redesign of the $100 bill to prevent counterfeiting: “If you have a C-note that you think may be fake, try this little test: The person on the front of the bill should be statesman Benjamin Franklin, not actress Bonnie Franklin.”

Reader Will Couzin of Laguna Niguel on a survey that shows 57% of Americans think they look younger than their age: “New hand mirrors should be required to carry a little sign that says, ‘Images in mirror look younger than they are.’ ”

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Paula Watch: The President says powerful forces are threatening to bring down his Administration, reports “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno: “I think they are called hormones.”

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Still, Leno thinks Clinton will be OK: “His alibi is airtight. . . . He says, ‘I couldn’t have been with her. I was with Gennifer Flowers at the time.’ ”

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Reader Marshal Alan Phillips of Los Angeles says his mom, now 81, is a Midwestern conservative:

About 15 years ago, my lover and I prepared an elaborate dinner for my parents and entertained them royally. During coffee and dessert, I announced that I was gay. After a long pause, my sainted mother spoke: “If I’d have known that, I’d have taught you how to cook.”

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