COMMITMENTS : What Parents Can Do to Help

Psychologists say there are several approaches parents can take to help ease the friction they see between their children.

* Step in when the children are fighting and help calm them. Then assist each in expressing his or her perception of the problem, and help them work out an amicable, win-win solution, if possible.

* Examine the communication style of the household in which you were raised and consider whether you are subconsciously carrying on any of the patterns that were not effective then. Look at how you communicate with your spouse when there is a disagreement or a frustration situation. Realize that parental communication serves as a model to the children.

* Help the children see the pros and the cons of their birth order. For example, discuss with an older child that while the new baby may get lots of cuddling and other attention, he or she gets time alone with a parent at the park or other privileges. Helping children see the benefits and the drawbacks--from both sides--may help minimize envy or hurt feelings.