Dos and Don’ts of Foster Parenting

So you want to be a foster parent? Parents and experts working in the field offer these dos and don’ts:

Do’s

1. Do evaluate your lifestyle and your strengths and weaknesses to determine which age and sex of child best matches your interests, skills and job schedule.

2. Do remember that your role is temporary; the child for whom you provide a loving home hopes to go back to Mom and Dad.

3. Do try to be adaptable. Your foster child has grown up in an entirely different home environment.

4. Do prepare for family relationships to change, especially if you already have children.

Don’ts

1. Don’t do it for the money. The $400 to $700 per month you receive for each child (depending on age and needs) will go in a hurry for clothes, school supplies, meals, sports equipment, dancing and music lessons, tutoring, allowances, movies, food and utilities.

2. Don’t do it to adopt. The best foster parents want to help, not possess, a child.

3. Don’t do it for love or praise. You’re not likely to get either from the child or his parents--at least not right away.

4. Don’t ever force the foster child to choose between you and his birth parents.

5. Don’t feel hurt when your foster child cries, throws a tantrum in public, lies, swears or steals. He is testing your commitment to stick by him, in effect saying, “How many times can I do this before they give up and send me back?”