COMMITMENTS : Taking Work Home : Having the Same Career Can Strengthen the Bonds Between Couples, Experts Say

Judith Tyler and Rudyard Taylor started out as classmates, sharing a passion for animals at Tuskegee University School of Veterinary Medicine in Alabama. Now they double as colleagues at work and partners at home in San Pedro.

When their boys were young, the couple toted them to the Harbor City hospital where she specializes in small animals and he in large animals. They say they’ve never hesitated to ask one another for advice on cases. Away from the office, they’ve agreed not to talk shop with their closest friends--colleagues from school.

Whether one spouse works full time or part time, such like-mindedness is typical of same-career marriages, according to psychologists and anecdotal evidence. Although the marital balance can occasionally tilt from compatibility to competitiveness as one spouse sees what their better half is achieving, their shared career can be a plus, giving them more than just conversation topics.

“If they start on a collegial basis, it’s a fertile territory for common ground,” said Judith M. Harris, a psychotherapist with offices in Encino and South Pasadena. “There is a certain built-in understanding of what the other person goes through in their work life and what is frustrating.”

Ann and Steve Vollmer of Van Nuys together have more than 40 years’ experience running park programs. “We have a lot of empathy for each other,” said Ann, a recreation director at Palisades Park in Pacific Palisades. Steve has a similar post at the larger Mar Vista Park.

“Sports programs, day camps . . . we’ve both been through it,” Ann said. “When he comes home with that look on his face, I know.”

The benefits go beyond understanding unruly park patrons, long hours or crazy schedules to include the exhilaration of sharing goals and passions. Having the same career “builds camaraderie, connectedness and bonding,” Harris said.

Psychotherapist Sandra Lyons Rowe said she and her husband, Daryl, have a deeper understanding of each other not only because they do the same thing, but because they do it for the same reasons. “We get a thrill out of having a (positive) impact on people’s lives,” said Rowe, who teaches psychology courses at Loyola Marymount University. Both practice at the Nubian Psychological Group in Los Angeles.

Built on shared values and passions, these relationships can mutually enhance careers. In addition to bouncing ideas off each other about animal diseases or sports programs or nameless clients, spouses help each other with words of encouragement. And never underestimate the power of extra ears out there taking in the news about people or politics from the rumor mill. Also, attending obligatory functions together means networking is a double investment.

When attorney Jennifer Floyd attends functions with her husband, Curtis, who is building his own practice, business often is thrown her way. “Sometimes people would prefer to deal with a female attorney. Or even some of his clients who find out I’m an attorney may prefer to deal with me on another matter,” said Floyd, who, like her husband, specializes in personal injury cases in Bakersfield.

Competition can exist in these marriages, experts said. Lawyers, who are competitive by profession, are especially susceptible, said Barbara Newman, a marriage and family therapist who has a practice in West Los Angeles. “It can be very stressful if you see your spouse as a possible rival or contender for the same clientele.”

Rivalry can be based on salary or recognition and can cause conflict. Sometimes the rivalry is more covert than acknowledged, psychotherapist Harris said.

The Floyds, who have been married about three years, say their competition arises not in the courtroom but in the living room. They both describe discussions on social or legal topics that go on and on like a legal brief. “She’ll use lawyer tricks and analogies to build her case,” Curtis Floyd said. “We both always think we’re correct. She’s opinionated and doesn’t change her mind.”

And does he?

“I’m always correct,” Floyd said matter-of-factly before laughing.

The key to finding a balance is not letting your ego get in the way of being happy for your spouse, Newman said. She acknowledged that this can be particularly hard if one spouse becomes very successful and the other is struggling.

When couples spend their days doing the same thing, inequities at home become even more apparent. The question becomes: Who will give up career time to take care of what needs to be done at home? said Joan Berman, a therapist who practices in Brentwood.

Most couples who tackle these issues follow convention, with the wife managing the house, children and social calendar, experts said. But a woman whose career is taking the back seat for the family has a daily reminder of just where she could be. Some are resentful; many congratulate themselves for juggling so much.

Tyler, who cared for her sons in between cats and dogs at the animal hospital, struggled to sacrifice neither career nor children. She said it is rewarding for both her and her husband to be able to work and care for their boys, now 21, 18 and 11.

“If I was doing surgery, he took care of them. If he was doing surgery, I took over,” she said. “It was interesting to say the least, but I didn’t say it was easy.”