‘90s FAMILY : FAMILY FILE : Be Honest If You Can’t Attend Child’s Special Event

There are moments in a child’s life when a parent can’t attend a special event.

On these occasions, parents should be honest and find alternative ways to show they care, says Gregory Smith, associate professor of psychology and child development specialist at Dickinson College in Carlisle, Pa.

“A straightforward, honest explanation is required,” Smith says. But if it’s business that prevents a parent from being in attendance, “don’t act like the job is more important by saying things like ‘This is very important to Mommy.’ That’s the worst thing a child could hear at this time.”

To help alleviate the disappointment of a parent missing a recital or play, Smith suggests arranging a “command performance” of the event at home, or calling before or after the performance. Such actions help communicate the parent’s pride and interest in the child’s accomplishments, satisfying the child’s need for parental approval, he said.

Smith cautions parents not to go overboard. Hasty promises to attend the child’s next event or gifts to soothe a child’s hurt feelings often do more harm than good.

“Don’t promise to be at the ‘next one’ if you can’t,” he says. “The child won’t care about the next one right now and reneging on the promise will make the situation even worse.”

Dangerous Fireworks Can Put Damper on Fourth of July

Fireworks blind, maim or kill about 11,000 people each year, according to Prevent Blindness America. More than half the injuries are to children, and nearly 40% of the injuries involve bystanders, the organization said. The three types of fireworks that keep hospital emergency rooms busy during the Fourth of July holiday are bottle rockets, firecrackers and sparklers.

“Bottle rockets and firecrackers are miniature explosives,” said Tod Turriff, safety director of Prevent Blindness America. “Sparklers burn at temperatures hot enough to melt gold.”

2 Companies Offer Workers Help With Living Wills

AT&T; and Glaxo are providing free consultations to employees on creating living wills. Diane Piktialis of Work/Family Directions in Boston which developed the service--said a national study reported showed that living wills could significantly lower hospital bills for individuals near death.

Most Working Moms Feel Happy, Competent, in Control

Three-quarters of working moms say they like or love their jobs and believe their families are better off because they are working, a new survey from Working Mother magazine shows. These 1,000 working mothers also said they felt happy, competent and in control. Further, eight out of 10 of the respondents viewed themselves not as secondary or optional providers, but as breadwinners.