COMMITMENTS : Words to Live By

Nancy Tither, a clinical psychologist and director of Associated Psychological Services of Encino, offers these suggestions for making roommate relationships work:

* Know yourself and know what you want. If you are fastidious, do you expect others to be the same?

* Try to get to know a potential roommate as well as you can ahead of time. Interview him or her carefully.

* Realize you have a choice. Don’t be forced into a situation you have doubts about. When selecting a roommate, do not enter a situation in which the other person is not able to meet the rent or other bills just because you’ve fallen in love with an apartment. Find out if the person has a back-up plan if he or she is unable to make the rent.

* There is no guarantee similarities in personality will mean the relationship will work out. Compatibility involves a whole set of other traits, such as preference of noise levels and agreement on visitors.

* Living with a friend does not always work out. “It’s like an unknown ingredient becoming known,” Tither says of friends finding out more than they may want to about each other in a roommate situation.

* Once living together, address any bothersome issues--such as annoying habits, cleanliness--early on. Not communicating can make the matter worse.